Thoughts.com

Valentine’s Day

Today I woke up early and I decided to get ready for work. I was in a good mood and I even had a good day at work. It wasn’t until later today after work that I felt sad. All day I had to see men buy their wife or girlfriend beautiful flowers in hopes to put a smile on their face. I felt happy when I saw that. I was glad for whoever the flowers were for, and I was excited because I like seeing the idea of love so alive. Once I got home I felt this weird sadness and all of a sudden I began to feel like I wanted someone to buy me flowers and I wanted someone to love me and spoil me. When I got home and realized I had nothing, I started to feel pretty worthless. I started to think about my ex and all of the things that he put me through. I started to think to myself that maybe I’m not good enough for anyone and that’s why it never works out for me. I felt as if I could never be worthy of love or a relationship. I feel like I’m not good enough and I feel like I’m not meant for love. Maybe I’m too complicated, and maybe I care too much. Perhaps there’s something wrong with me. I hate feeling this way, but I rather be alone than to be a burden on anyone. I know that nobody will accept me for who I am inside and out, and I know that I’m not meant for this. It makes me sad because sometimes I really wish I could go on a date, and sometimes I really wish I had someone to hold me and love me. I wish I didn’t have to be mistreated, I wish I didn’t have to be cheated on or used all of the time. I hate being lied to and I hate being treated like a joke. I think I’ll always secretly long for a loving and faithful man, but in reality I’ll never have one. And I guess that’s OK.. it’s wrong to seek comfort in the arms of a man anyway. Maybe I just had a depressing moment and maybe seeing all those men buying gifts made me feel left out and unwanted. Maybe tomorrow it will all be over and I wont have to feel so worthless and I wont have to think of why I wasn’t good enough for my ex. And at the end of the day, I’m still happy for all of those couples out there that are happy. I sincerely wish them the best.