Long Distance Pregnancy
As I sit here counting down the remaining weeks and months of being pregnant. I can’t help but think. I have a million thoughts flooding and invading my mind and its hard to cope with them all.
But right now my main concern is that the one person I want there won’t be able to be there. To be able to see this little precious bundle of joy make its grand entrance into this world. That this beautiful process will be missing a major vital part its “daddy”. I’m well aware that women over the centuries have gone through this this without their significant other, their partner or husband and that I shouldn’t fret over it. But I still do because I want my partner there. To me its just so difficult to get over it because I so want to share this experience with him. I don’t know how I can have him apart of this from such a distance. I wish he didn’t have to face these obstacles to be here, to be apart of our babies birth.
So I find myself laying awake at night holding our belly, trying to sort this out, trying to find a way to cope. As I wipe the flood of tears that fill my eyes and ever gently rub our belly. I can’t seem to find a solution as means of getting over the real possibility that he won’t be here. It saddens me because I know he wants to see our baby make its entrance, to find out whether it’s a boy or girl. To be able to hold him or her. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know how he’s going to handle it from a distance. Knowing he won’t be able to experience the joys and the pains of laboring. I know he’s going to be anxious and worried about what could happen. I can feel it, I sense it even if we’re over 1,000 miles away and oceans apart.
I guess my only and best solution is to learn to accept it, to get over my emotions and dreams I had for birth of our baby. I truly don’t know how I’m going to cope, as these months to weeks draw near. I’ve done pretty well not having around for the majority of our pregnancy. But to me not seeing your child being born hurts just a little because it’s life changing and such a beautiful experience. I just want our baby to be surrounded by the same love that created him or her. I know my hearts desire and I continue to wish that this would some how magically change. That he’ll walk into the room and say “I’m here!” To be able to jump right in and try to esss my pain to help calm reminding me to focus on my breathing. To just be there.
I truly hope that what I envision for my birthing plan does come true. I fight with the idea of letting it go because deep down inside he wants to be here if he can’t I wonder how long it would take for him to see our baby to hold him or her. To enjoy the things I get to enjoy first with our baby. I want to share all these first moments with him but I know that that isn’t a possibility right now.
I have to prepare myself for both scenarios him there and him not there. I just hope he can be there soon after, with all my heart. I want him to hold our baby our little love child. I can only have faith that things will fall into places, that he will be here when the time is right. I have to continue to remain positive to change my mind set for the reminder of this pregnancy and after.
That out baby comes out healthy, happy and strong. Surrounded by all those who love him or her even from a distance. That he will be here sooner rather then later.