The month of January

Why did he come back? That question seems to haunt me every single day. I can’t seem to figure out why he came back if he would end up leaving me again. The night he came back, which was a year later, felt like a dream. I felt like I was in a movie. It was one of the coldest nights. He was standing outside when I got out of work and I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to cry but I started to laugh. I was happy. I was so incredibly happy because a year ago I let that man go and he was a good man, with a big beautiful heart and the best part about him is that he believed in God. He stared at me as I walked over to my car and we talked. He told me that he missed me, that not a day went by where he didn’t think of me. I told him that I missed him and I told him that I would always regret not giving him a chance because of my fear of getting hurt. He hugged me and it was perfect because I could rest my head right on his heart. It was midnight and it was so cold, and it was raining. I didn’t care because as long as I was in his arms everything was OK. He took me for a ride into town. The car ride was quiet. We stared at each other as much as we could. I felt like I was dreaming and I really didn’t want to wake up. I grabbed his hand and I kissed it and I leaned in to hug him and he would comfort me. Somewhere along that beautiful night full of stars and love, I knew I would lose him again. So I did everything I could. I spent time with him and I tried my best to make him happy. We had fun and it was amazing. Our first date was outside of my house. We talked for hours and we looked up at the stars and reminisced about our past and how we were as kids. I was nervous that night because I knew it would be our first kiss. I have never met someone so full of passion and love like he is. He loved me that night and he always knew my worth and he wasn’t perfect but he knew how to make me happy and he knew all of the right things to do and all of the right things to say. When we kissed I felt like I found the missing puzzle piece to my life. I missed him oh, so much. That night we stayed outside until 5 in the morning and it was worth it. Our next date was fun. He took me to a place where he escapes to when he’s mad or when he’s sad. It’s a place quite hidden in this town and I can assure anyone that it’s lonely there. The best time to go there is during the night time. You can see the entire sky and when you look down you can see all of the lights on of the homes of all of those happy families that are eating dinner or watching a movie. It looks beautiful. That night he picked me up and he kissed me and I remember that was the best thing and the best part of that date. I laughed so much and I was so happy I didn’t want it to end. The stars were shining so bright as if they were shining just for us. I loved him because he made me laugh all of the time and he made me happy. Every second we spent together was worth it to me. Our last date was nice but it didn’t compare to the first two. We went to the store together and we look around for a while and after that we got ice cream and we took a trip to the mountains. I had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong. He was quiet and I didn’t know what to say. I hugged him for a few seconds and then I let go. He told me not to let go, so I hugged him again and didn’t let go. The ride back home was also quiet. He went inside his house to change and I stayed in the car. We went for one more ride in town and around midnight he took me home. When we got there he stared at me with different eyes. Eyes of shame, and eyes of sadness. He stopped staring at me and he wouldn’t talk. That was the last time I saw him. He told me that he loved me and I told him that I loved him more, I always did. He said we were officially together that night. Everything was so beautiful and perfect. Until he left me, to go back to his wife and his unborn child. He lied to me. It all made sense. The way he looked at me, was probably him looking at me one last time before he went back to her. Now that I think about it, I figured it out. He came back because he thought everything would be the same. He thought there could be a future for us and he still cared about me. But then he snapped back to reality and realized he was married and expecting a child, and that was when he left me. No explanation, no reason, no text and no call. No goodbye. He just left. I had to find my way through it. The emptiness and loneliness was hard to run away from. His absence was everywhere I looked. It hurt so much to wait for him when he was never coming back. It hurt so much to realize that he left and didn’t say goodbye. It was all a big fat lie. The waiting game was the worst of it all. He never came back. He was never my guy. He was just a dream that I desperately wanted to be true. Despite the bad parts, I miss him. The way he would take my breath away and the way he made me feel like I belonged. When I was with him I didn’t care about anything I felt as if I was in another life. I could never get enough of him. But he is not my guy and he never will be. He belongs to someone else now and I wish nothing but the best for him and his family. good luck to him.

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