Cherished Ones

To the precious ones of whom my heart so cherishes. How I yearn to be counted as one you behold as priceless, and purely loved without shadow of turning, unconsumed by expectations laid out by ideas that have accompanied, during the journey thus far. As those whose input influence the outlook of your perception, to your inner thoughts adding perspectives, yielding your ever changing views, or opinions, of how things are, or ought to appear. Appearance is only the cover for that present moment. Yet ever so much more than before does the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover”, ring so true. To my understanding, each one has with it a deeply intricate, inner woven web, so complex, each detail minutely make up the depth of the individual to the very core. Why ourselves within or on the outside looking in are unaware of the true rhyme or reason for the path, paths, trials, swamps, cliffs, or slopes…..one continues on, repeatedly, or just stranded, and stagnat. Whatever, or whichever it may be, this journey a lesson for some, to gain. If I could be brave, my eyes will be wide open, seeking out the truth, to behold for the next step….the desire to be right within, as well as without, wishing only to capture that which is to gain,  along with it comes ideas, expectations, approval, disapproval, of those who Ive deemed worthy to decide weather Im on it! (sort of speak), or missing the mark…..

How so, are we to remain whole within as to continue endeavoring on undivided by the placement of whats what? At the same, discovering the real, of the whom and the why of my existance, without the essence of being, becoming displaced by scattered means to which is preference given to trudge true. When in the midst at a crossroad here lies a choice looking back at these will cause a cringe, dismissal, or hopefully serenity. Either way its a wrap, no re~dos. I being my own most hard taskmaster can spend time in this realm with regrets and perhaps self loathing but to no fruition.

How can one balance the push and the pull we have packed thus far? Which to consider? The weight at times and for some can be too much to bear, Then in lies   collapse……why bother, throw in the towel! I must heed to the know the task each one carries, being of such precise detail to every nook and cranny, of what makes up each and every most perfectly, intricate, deeply, passionate, unique individual, person, & soul. All wrapped up seemingly so ordinary, and simple, just another of many. Yet oh so not simplistic, no, no, actually an entire eco system. A world with its custom agenda, unlike any other, functioning, or malfunctioning, according to whom it may concern, to continue on in however our season is playing out at present, for the moment.

We are extravagant, acutely amazing human beings, we are each making up a part of the whole, of this universe, with more to ourselves than comprehensible, a state of unknowingkst……A place, yet recognized of, awe….struck…….

Written by, Dove

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One mistake at a time…


Single, Thirty-Nothing, London Based, Dynamic Girl…. Who makes quite possibly the worst decisions in life, falls for the wrong guys and is spectacular at royally fucking up – One mistake at a time!

There are two men in my life, they are good guys, neither know what they want relationship wise, and so begins ‘The Game….’ – Yeah, I should walk away, but that would be the easy option – one I rarely take, and then complain about life being unfair (Ha!) You’ll probably come to hear a lot about these wonderfully irritating pains in my ass.

The rest of my time is taken up with work – in the process of a creative career change! Art – I love to draw, Food – I love a good menu 😉

I basically spend a lot of time trying to be fit & healthy……. I’ll hit the gym, or go for a run, vow to only eat freshly cooked healthy meals & quit alcohol…… by the time the weekend rolls around, you can almost certainly find me on my sofa in my sweatpants, drinking wine, ordering Chinese takeaway and binge watching some tragic American high school based series on Netflix telling myself ‘I’ll get up early and hit the gym’ only to wake up at 9,30am with zero intention of exerting myself 😀

Here’s a few things about me that I don’t always like to admit;

  • I’m the worlds worst worrier – can almost guarantee I am already reacting to something that probably won’t happen.
  • I make questionable life choices – try not to judge! I am the queen of bad decisions!
  • Little things can irritate the shit out of me – there will be rants!
  • I procrastinate way too much – Seriously, it’s a miracle anything gets done, it’s taken me at least 4 hours to create and write this blog.
  • I love and care too deeply for the wrong people – I’m working on it 😉
  • If it’s bad for me, you can be sure I will want it – Men, food, wine!
  • My friends would describe me as loyal, generous, no where near as innocent as I look – and feisty. I might be short but I will stand up for myself – even though I’m a pushover!

Overall life is quite comical. If you like having a laugh, join me in trying to figure this all out!

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Midnight Musings: Taming the Beast

 

It can be difficult when you feel old habits creeping up on you. An old version of yourself that’s slowly fading to the recesses of your consciousness, kicking and screaming that it’s time to shine has come to an end. A new era has begun, an era of rational thinking, regardless of the emotional backup that somehow manages to pop my lid more often than not, and with noone in particular being the trigger. Everyone and anyone can be a victim to my rage.

Repression is a bitch. Go enough years holding shit in, you’re bound to explode eventually and sadly is usually on the last person who’s to blame. In fact, the person who triggers those episodes are usually the people that sincerely have my best wishes at heart. Usually my family, or my boyfriend. Of late, it’s mostly the boyfriend who catches the brunt of my mood swings, poor thing. It’s like this evil demon in my chest that breaks loose every time it finds the chance, usually just after I’ve woken up. What makes it even more frustrating is that those other moments where I wake up without the demon….I’m on the polar opposite end of the spectrum… bouncy, chipper, and I’ll talk about whatever comes to my mind. To the point where even other morning people are like, WOAH slow down tiger. That’s putting it nicely… my boyfriend and my brother take a similar approach that is, nodding and “mhmm”-ing. Which is kind of fucked up because I know there are moments that they want to tell me to shut the hell up…too much too early… but they don’t say it because my obnoxious bubbliness is usually better than the alternative.

From my side, it’s gotten to the point that when I go to sleep at night, it’s a coin toss what mood I’ll wake up in, in the morning. I could have the best night ever, but then something happens in my sleep and it could be a foul morning if something is said at the wrong time. Shit, I’ve snapped because there’s no milk for my morning coffee….Do I have a problem? Maybe… But I can at least say that I’ve acknowledged that there’s an issue. Now it’s reforming my method of expression. Because I’m not naive enough to believe that I’ll change. I’ve always been a landmine in the morning. Even if I wake up chipper, the wrong thing at the wrong time can change that mood in a heartbeat.

Maybe it’s because I feel that I’ve taken a lot of shit from a lot of people, including those in my close circle. Now I’m at a point where I can’t take shit from anyone… I won’t have it. And sometimes I’m a little ULTRA sensitive and loose with the interpretation of the “shit” people have been giving me lately. Small things, like really small things….NOTHING really can be enough to make me want to hit something. That’s when I usually write, draw, or just go out for a walk to clear my mind because the noise in my head (not like coo-coo noise, just thoughts) is too loud to get any of it to translate onto paper via pen, pencil, keyboard, what have you.

I’m trying to tame my beasts. I really am. And those who know me, who really know me…..know not to judge me in those moments… my brother just laughs now. Which pisses me off in the moment…but I’ll eventually start laughing myself when it hits me how incredibly childish I’m being. Then everything is ok. We all have our issues. We all have our weak moments, some last a second, some last a lifetime. The beauty is finding people who love you and who cherish you regardless of your “flaws,” and the ones who stick around are the ones who really matter.  

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Anxious people make me anxious…

I live with 3 anxious people. My husband is super duper, anal anxious. My daughter would be next because she exhibits more of her anxiety on a daily basis. She is far more vocal than my husband, though when he is vocal you might want to run for cover.

Then there is my son, who is anxious, but quiet about it. I never know when what I say will freak someone out. It is almost like living on the edge of a volcano waiting for it to erupt. Sometimes I feel that it is a bit too much for me. I would love peace, and for everybody to just chill out. The problem is they can’t. They don’t know how. Bleh!

I’m always apologizing to someone because I have upset them for something I said or did. Even small things that seem immaterial to me, can really blow up their day. I have absolutely become a quieter person, keeping a lot of my opinions to myself. It really sucks, because that leaves me with no direction to turn in. It leaves me apologizing on the constant, and it leaves me angry.

I really, really just want to run away to some far off place where nobody knows my name.

Oh, wait.

I’m broke.

That won’t work. Damn!

Pray for me, and for them.

peace ;/ shemelts

To Be Human

Being human can be scary. It’s not as simple as it is with animals, where everyone has a role in the pride of lions, or in the flock of birds. Being human, there’s a whole lot of grey area between the black and white that’s so easy to get caught up in. As we grow we find our way, in a manner, we try to keep our heads above water in the vast open ocean that is life. But then what happens when everything you’ve ever known becomes just a small piece of an even bigger picture? Things that seemed so important, things that held merit in your life, all of a sudden seem silly and suddenly insignificant. Priorities change, other things become important, you grow, you keep going, life goes on. The only constant thing in life is change, at any moment, in the blink of an eye everything can switch up on you.  It’s a matter of examining what you have left to work with, what your options are, and figuring out the next move. It’s not a race, finding your pace is a part of it, until you find that something that fits.

Life is like a 5000 piece puzzle, so many options, so many places to start. What I’ve always loved about puzzles is that there are so many ways to go about piecing it together. There’s no right or wrong place to start. Most begin by building the borders, and then slowly piece together until we reach the middle and ultimately complete the puzzle. The bitch about most 5000 piece puzzles, but also the beauty of it, is that there are so many minute details, so many pieces look alike with one another, yet there are differences, they have a place if you look hard enough. Some people will get frustrated and move onto another section of the puzzle, others will ask for help, then there are those who sadly give up all together.

“Oscar Wilde said that if you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it – that is your punishment, but if you never know, then you can be anything. There is a truth to that. We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing – an actor, a writer – I am a person who does things – I write, I act – and I never know what I am going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.” – Stephen Fry

I remember when I was little, how often I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never had something standard, one dream. I wanted to be everything, everyday something different. The only thing that remained a constant my entire life was this need to write that I have, in whatever way, shape, or form that I can. To this day, I don’t know what I want to be. I used to envy friends and acquaintances who seemed to have it all together, they always knew what they wanted to be, and they became it. But let’s say they achieved their goals at 30-35….that’s not even half the puzzle completed, it can’t be. So what’s the next piece in the puzzle, where do you go from there? Your an Actor now….now what? Or are you a person that acts…and possibly so much more? Sure there is a sense of security that comes along with achieving your dream, as long as that’s not all there is. Some people strive their whole lives for something, and then when they achieve it, then it’s like…what next? Some get stuck, some move onto the next item on their bucket-list. The latter is ideal, I’ve seen the former eat away at people that I cared about, and people I only knew for a moment. It’s all about finding the next piece to the puzzle. When working with actual 5000pc puzzles, you complete one section, and then realize theres another 3000 pieces, a third of which look alike, just remember…DON’T PANIC. You have to sift through your options until you find a place to start, and build from there. Life is the same way. I spent years going to college because “I had to,” and when I say years, I mean seven. Seven years, three schools, three majors. Only to decide to drop out in the end because school didn’t feel right for me, and I think I knew it all along. I was just afraid to say it because it’s what I was “supposed” to do. Yet no matter how hard I tried to make that damn piece fit into the puzzle…it just wouldn’t sit right. That’s the beauty in it, I guess. Not knowing what you want to be, means you can be anything. Everyone has their own method of piecing together their puzzles, and everyone’s puzzle is different. There isn’t really a right or wrong way to go about it from the moment that no two people are the same, and that’s magical. 

Until someone comes along, someone who’s puzzle is not all different from our own. Sometimes a large important part of our puzzles remains incomplete until this person comes around…they’re the piece that fits that blank space. Sometimes it appears that it’s the piece we’ve been looking for, it appears to fit, but something doesn’t sit quite right with you and you eventually set it aside. Until you find the piece that fits perfectly. These people stick around, and we begin to build the rest of our puzzles together.

To be Human is such a miraculous thing, and it’s sad when people can’t or won’t see it.

WHO ARE YOU?

When someone asks who you are, what is your response?

My name is….those are just letters used to make words to make sounds for people to call you by…

I’m from…Thats a place where you happened to be when you entered upon this earth…

The child of….again, that’s not who YOU are, but you made you…

I’ve heard this little ditty for the first time as an anecdote to thrown at Adam Sandler by Jack Nicholson in the movie Anger Management. I hadn’t heard it, or even thought about it for that matter, until watching Dirk Gently on Netflix….Todd’s sister Amanda’s answer was on point. So from now on the only acceptable answer to that question for me is somewhere along the lines of:

I am the consciousness of–that hears through the ears of, sees through the eyes of and communicates through the body of, [Insert Your Name Here]. Everything else is just circumstantial.

At the end of the day everything we take in through our body’s many senses is all CODE. A code that’s translated by the brain into images and sounds or whatever is necessary, based on our collection of prototypes. That’s to say that we know a table as a table by the fact that it has 3+ even length legs and a flat surface on which we can place objects on… Whether its round, triangle, glass or wood–that’s all relative, we see a table and know it’s a table because of it’s simplest attributes.

Who we are, is that simple, we are stardust that evolved a consciousness that developed technologies and changed the world in astounding ways, good and bad. We start off pure and innocent, and slowly we get to know the world we live in, we go to school, become part of the system, become sheep without knowing. With all these technological advancements in the past decade it’s hard to keep up with all the latest apps, trends…. Internet being what it is has made it nearly impossible to keep up with all these new singers/actors/etc that keep popping up… I almost can’t blame people, it’s so easy to get lost in… New clothes, new phones, new cars—social media has become like a computer version of high school on crack–gossip and who’s most popular? Who has the most likes? Who’s working out? Who’s married? Who had babies? Who follows me? Man, I remember a time where if someone had said “hey I’m following you” —STALKER would be the first word that came to mind…now we encourage it. But that’s another topic for another time.

My point is that we’re so caught up in who’s doing what, where and with who that we’re losing track of the fact that IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. We’ve just created a world where it seems that it’s important–without knowing that it’s only as important as you make it. Money, clothes, cars, it’s all temporary and only has as much value as you give it. The people in our lives matter. Our families, given or chosen, matter. Interpersonal relationships, meaningful conversations about everything and anything, THAT matters.

You could have all the likes in the world, Lady Gaga herself could follow you on twitter….If I can’t have a conversation about existence or the universe or the possibilities of life on other planets with you (among other things), the rest is insubstantial. What’s in your head, and how you use it is what makes you who you are…not what you put on your Facebook profile.

Think of that table I mentioned before. Shine it, polish it, have blind nuns carve intricate designs into the legs and and embed diamonds into each corner with golden flecks embroidering the corders in floral patterns. Yet it doesn’t need all that flashy-ness to be what it is… PEOPLE make it that way, because we place value in pretty things. At the end of the day a tables only as good as its ability to hold things up–to balance things. Well…at the end of the day, we’re only as good as the head on our shoulders and the mind that comes with it. So use it wisely.

 

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Controlled Chaos

This is the world we live in, and it fucking terrifies me sometimes. If its not school shootings, its mass shootings, if its not that its bombings or terrorist attacks or wars driving people out their home countries and throwing them into lives of poverty as refugees. Sure we have a million and one things to distract us now, but there are times where I’ll hear about a current event, or read something, or hear it from a friend, and I can’t help but wonder. The world wasn’t like this when I was a kid, or maybe I just didn’t notice… I was near DC during 9/11. That’s something you don’t forget and I think that’s when I started paying more attention to what was going on in the world outside my social circle…to an extent anyway. I really do try to keep an open mind when it comes to a lot of things, but putting the lives of young boys and girls in danger? I usually refrain from posting my personal opinion on these matters on social media. However, this last shooting at the Stoneman Douglas high school in Florida hit a chord with me as I had family that grew up in that area and went to school there.

Now a youth with a messed up mind decides to bring a AR-15 to his school and start shooting up the place, killing seventeen people, can this really be prevented? If there’s a will, there’s a way the saying goes. Making stricter laws or banning guns in civilian communities…. these are all measures that COULD be taken (but obviously aren’t..) but is it enough? I was discussing the event with my brother and he made a very good point. Many schools have adopted this shooting drill, especially after this last tragedy, the worst of its kind since 2012 according to BBC. Has anyone ever thought that the afflicted kid is might just be in one of those classes? They drill them on what to do, where to go, where to run and hide. I read an article about a father who turned in his own daughter after reading her journal and discovering plans to bomb her school. Nowadays you can make a bomb out of almost anything. If this girl has been through one of these drills and knows where her classmates and teachers will gather? Who’s to say she wouldn’t have planned in accordance?

The next generation of young americans (among others for various reasons) are being raised in fear, in an era of over-information. I remember back when I was in elementary/middle/high school (and I attended grade school in the US, Korea, and Greece) I enjoyed fire drills, or earthquake drills. Yeah ok, there was the “urgency” of it, the importance in knowing how to act and what to do in those situations. Then we’d gather in groups and it was fun trying to find our friends and talk without getting caught (before the times of smartphones I’m proud to say) But that was it. Natural phenomena or accidental fires (or intentional for that matter) are one thing, but shooting drills? Most of us only encounter gunfire in the movies, I’ve never personally feared at any point that I might be shot upon. Now kids are being prepared for just that. Be aware. It triggers something in their still developing brains that I (my generation) didn’t really have growing up– something along the lines of the survival instinct. Especially when these kids are students at schools where these shootings occur, and are then expected to return after a respectful period of mourning. That can cause some psychological damage to a young man or woman.

I live in the center of Athens, Greece. I see people scavenging the dumpsters for anything that might be reusable, or in some cases edible (*shudder*). It saddens me, but I do what I can when I can. What blows my mind is right up the street from that scavenger, theres a school letting out and kids on their way to public transit stops to get home. Walking right past him as if he wasn’t even there. There’s another street near where I live, during the day theres a nice park there actually, but at dusk refugees and homeless and junkies alike gather, and light their fires now that it’s winter. Then 100m further up there’s a bus stop with pedestrians going about their own business, as if theres nothing tragic going on a little further down the road. It is was it is it seems. Meanwhile cops are always patrolling the area, and yet I’ve never seen them get cleared out, they just drive by, make sure everyone’s calm, not causing trouble, and keeping to themselves. Those two images are burnt into my brain, two completely different lifestyles existing in one plane, I could take a picture of it, and you could see the scavenger digging for trash as the children wander past, full of hope, unaware yet of what’s going on in the world, everything is simple. Not for that scavenger though, god only knows what he’s been through to get him to this point, perhaps even of his own doing. Still, life goes on…one picture, a million words.

Despite all this controlled chaos, life goes on.

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IS IT JUST ME?

IS IT JUST ME? 

February 16, 2018 

Hello Universe!

I’m finding it unbelievably difficult to find something to write about right now. It’s been so long since I’ve written a blog I’ve become my own worst critic, and that’s including most internet dwellers who take advantage of the anonymity that the internet provides and hold nothing back when it comes to sharing their (sometimes quite harsh) opinions. Is that a bad thing though? Is it wrong? Because we are able to hide (to some extent, unless you’re a hacker) our identity, we tell the truth. Then on social media platforms (such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Linked-in, etc.) we alter, edit, and filter our posts to maintain an “image” of ourselves that we later try to replicate in real life. Through social media we created a “filtered” version of ourselves. Think of the countless of pictures uploaded daily on Instagram… The majority will adjust the contrast, fix the flaws, and maybe add a filter. That in a way is what we are doing to ourselves. We are taking who we are, and slightly altering it here, adjusting it there, and then adding a filter on top of it amongst other things, in accordance to what we want other people to see and not necessarily who we truly are. Some might argue that they don’t do that, that who they are on Facebook is who they are in real life… Ok. But really? How many of the “candid” pictures are really candid? How many tries did it take for that selfie to come out just right? Once upon a time, photos were on film and you had 23-50 frames or however many fit the film, and there was no delete. Like it or not, once you turned that film in to get it developed, someone was taking a look at those negatives and having a good laugh at your expense. Life isn’t like that anymore.

For better or for worse, we can control peoples initial impressions of us simply by what we choose to upload onto our social media platforms, which then in turn effects the way they see us in real life. Here’s a hypothetical situation for you: A tells B about a girl named C. B is skeptical at first, although he’s been out of the dating pool a while and is willing to hear more. A continues on about C, and pulls out his latest iPhone and opens up her Instagram and Facebook profiles to further detail his narrative of C. B notes her almost flawless beauty, browses her photos and finds they have a lot in common based on her interests and check-ins. So he agrees to meet her. The date went well initially but as the night wore on, he found that somethings began to annoy him. She talked too much or she had an opposite stand on a political topic—or worse she had no real view at all, pick your poison. This is a comical and perhaps slightly exaggerated scenario that could very well happen in real life. C’s profile showed a fraction of who she really is, but exactly what she wants people to know about her. Then obviously she has to maintain that image as to not create duplicitous confusion. B’s first impression of her was that fraction. But how long before the other 85% of who she is begins to show? How to put it—holes develop in these impressions we develop that are slowly filled in by personality as we get to know a person in real time and real life.

Real life…

I don’t even know what that means anymore. SO many things have changed since I was a kid, meaning things that were considered “important.” Only now am I realizing that what’s important is solely for each and every individual to decide for themselves. As I’ve grown, changed, aged, evolved—so has my outlook on life. Things that were once important no longer are, and that’s ok. The only constant thing in life is change. What’s sad is that the world has been fooled into following absurd trends, tricked into believing that material things and consumerism in itself has some sort of value. Worse yet, we allow these consumeristic things to define who we are instead of the other way around. These things are meant to make our lives easier, not to become our lives. I’ve seen someone have a literal breakdown because they had no internet and didn’t know what to do until it was fixed. We have slowly built our lives upon this magical thing that is technology—completely unaware that one day it could all just disappear. In the blink of an eye, computers could stop running, an electrical black out. What then?

I think I’ve rambled on long enough for my first post. And because I could take this in many directions I figured I’d leave it with an open ending and a little epilogue. My brother read through it and said that I over explain, that I should simplify. I hadn’t shown him the general concept of the blog. It’s in the title. “Ramblings of…” It’s just the things I think about and I know other people think it to. Everyone and anyone is free to lash out and let me have it. I’m always open for debate and discussion or an argument if need be… All in good fun of course 🙂 That’s of course assuming that anyone takes the time to read this… So if you have gotten this far then I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Until next time!

T.H.

 –Originally posted on my Wix Blog THE INNER RAMBLINGS OF A TRIPPY HIPPY located at: https://irenemusser77.wixsite.com/downtherabbithole —

A poem on a messy phase of life

Life’s a mess

It’s about the times when you don’t feel it in your bones,
life takes you places you don’t even want to go.
Then, it’s make you do some weird shit
and it’s on your face that your sick of it

You wanna run away,
but there’s no way out.
You’ve been here for long,
now this all you’ve got.

“No!” Says your free mind….
“you can be one of a kind
who fights all
and goes where it wants”

“It not easy to restart,
the time has past”
you reply, while your soul is
dying inside…..

“But you are not meant to be here,
you belong to places you’ve dreamed of, my dear”
That’s when I realized,
eyes were shiny, open and wide.

Life’s a mess,
so let it be.
We have the strength,
we just need to believe.

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THIS GENERATION: ‘You’ raised it. ‘Abuse’ altered it.

“Abuse”, the pretty frequently used word of the 21st century. You see extremely long paragraphs written by so many people, from the most famous celebrity to the least known individual on the planet. Child abuse, sexual abuse and harassment have been the hottest topics lately.

However, the most underestimated category is mental abuse.

In our society, one is accused of abusing in the blink of an eye, no second guessing required. Sexual abuse is the talk of the day, and has been since, as long as I can remember. But what about mental abuse? Every second individual faces that in their daily lives yet it is the least talked about.

Mental abuse is also not clearly understood. Anybody could be facing mental abuse, be it a 5 year old kid or an 80 year old man. It doesn’t come with limitations.

People often mistake mental abuse for depression. Mental abuse can lead to depression but it is vital to understand that depression behold a completely separate meaning.

We all are well aware of the mental abuse and stress faced by the adults: work, financial crisis, marriage issues, life and time management and what not.

This post however refers to the youth and the children. Mental abuse is widespread through common social evils such as bullying, discouragement etc.

All of these can be altered with time but what about the teachings given to you at home? Has anyone ever pondered over the fact that how parents have a vital role to play if their child is facing any sort of stress?

Negligence can always be destructive. Ignoring a child’s atrocious state of mind, mistreating them or misbehaving with them just to take your frustration out, can lead to disastrous effects. Misbehaving, when it comes to parents, is very questionable. Because according to the stereotypical phantasm; it’s the child who misbehaves. Parents are always considered the ones teaching good things- this is solely true nonetheless- but that’s only when they are “literally” teaching and “specifically” giving their children life lessons. In spite of that has any one not noticed that children uptake more from daily routines than from the specific lessons given to them?

Another point is when you don’t take your kids (infant to teenagers) seriously. You laugh off at every thing they consider important or distressing to them. Yes, maybe it is obsolete and funny for your age but do you realize how badly it can effect your child? Think of it as; they consider you the only person they can look up to, the only ones they thought could ever help them, the only ones they trusted even before they got to know what trust is and when they turn to you for help you laugh it off and tell them to let it go. Or worse, you pretend to consider it a very serious issue and  console them greatly, but once they are out of sight, you tell your friends or other family members about how your child was worried about something stupid.

EVERY single parent does that. Discussing the do’s and dont’s of their children is like some essential topic of every meeting and phone call. Do you realize how discouraging that is for a child who doesn’t even understand the idea of world yet? Do you not realize how much you are demoralizing your children?

First, you demoralize them, make them lose their confidence and then later on in life expect them to be bold and confident and face the harsh realities of life firmly. Isn’t this manipulation? Stop manipulating your children! You have always heard: “actions speak louder than words”; it becomes evident that what you preach doesn’t have even half the impact if you don’t practice it. So, on one hand you degrade them when in their early years they have looked upon you and on the other hand, in their recent years you want them to open up to you. Ask yourself ‘Is that fair?’ How do you expect your children to tell you anything when you say “I’m your mother/father, you can share whatever, its all safe with me” whilst throughout their life they have witnessed the exact opposite?

You are confusing the minds of your children beyond repair! You might not realize but all of these contradicting statements from the same source messes up their brains massively. Moreover, instead of understanding you give them the ‘You are a disappointment’ clause. Please! You have no idea! As far as I have known every second child has the same story to tell. And they can’t say anything to you because we all know what happened when in the past they came crying to you about how they got stuck somewhere or how someone broke their favorite pencil? You Laughed and tattletaled!

This in itself is mental abuse that is never talked about. Never forget, respect is a two way road and the carriages on it work on the phenomenon of give and take.

My pledge to all is that stop blaming the recent generations. The fault is not in the upcoming generations. The fault is in their brought up and this faulty characterization will continue like a chain reaction if parents consider themselves perfect or way more experienced than their children. This is no competition. There can never be a competition between parents and their progeny. Parents are way more experienced so don’t be insecure about it. You don’t have to remind your children about it time and again. You know it. the world knows it. But there is a certain way of narration. It takes long in knowing things and one does not understand till experienced. You gained experience through your own trial and error and they deserve to experience their own trials and failures. That is how they’ll learn. That is how everyone learns!