The days go up, the days go round
The days go all round and a round
Today I am down, tomorrow I’ll be up
On joy and energy will I sup
But not today during which I am drained
It helps none that this morning it rained
Spirit is low and so is my energy
They are bound up in their synergy
Madness is their companion, pure insanity
Combined they remove all of my humanity
Darkness today, tomorrow there will be light
If not tomorrow then one day that’s in sight
The voice of the beast echoes in my head
It swears that I’m better off dead
It promises my loved ones will be better off
At all of this it is difficult to scoff
For I know the evil that lives inside
No matter how deeply I cause it to hide
The black rot that thrives at my core
The evil my conscious does deplore
Yet it there if you but look deeply enough
All of the good in me it does rebuff
If you liked my former account yayuki you can find texts of me in my ebook seed of thoughts. I will try my best to post interesting stuff here, too. The inside cover of my ebook looks like this.
All I just want is you to look me deep in the eyes
And see the heavy waves crashing inside
But all you’re doing is plain seeing and capsize
Overturning the great waves aside;
I just miss you.
I miss you so much,
I miss the “diver” you,
I miss you not floating but diving beneath the surface,
I miss you not seeing but diving beneath the waves,
Please can’t you just dive in once again, my love?
Because I grandly miss you.
I miss you knowing
the real me
– GaGo ?
Life’s a mess
It’s about the times when you don’t feel it in your bones,
life takes you places you don’t even want to go.
Then, it’s make you do some weird shit
and it’s on your face that your sick of it
You wanna run away,
but there’s no way out.
You’ve been here for long,
now this all you’ve got.
“No!” Says your free mind….
“you can be one of a kind
who fights all
and goes where it wants”
“It not easy to restart,
the time has past”
you reply, while your soul is
“But you are not meant to be here,
you belong to places you’ve dreamed of, my dear”
That’s when I realized,
eyes were shiny, open and wide.
Life’s a mess,
so let it be.
We have the strength,
we just need to believe.
Dreary existence lost in a world of unsure circumstance.
Reveling in defeat once again.
This is so long a story. Where do I even begin?
That dream I was chasing, I’m not sure if it’s gone.
This path that I’m walking, I’m not even aware that I’m on.
I’ve changed more in the last year than ever.
Those emotional bonds holding me captive before, I’ve had to painfully sever.
You’d think by now, I would know better.
Even now, this hurts, it’s painful to write, but I have to continue, letter by letter.
May be she didn’t get enough love to give it back.
May be she was taught to be like that.
She was a blank canvas like you and I.
Somebody painted it with shades of black.
She thinks only of herself,
Cause nobody else did
When nobody stood for her,
Her soul was forced to be rigid
I’ve seen her smile, I’ve heard her sing
They both told me stories which were hidden.
Just like the coin there is side 2!
Which she prefers to not show you.
She is afraid she might break again.
She has to fight in order to stay sane.
You may call her indifferent but I think otherwise.
She found demons in disguise….
I pass my days
Not knowing how to live
Not remembering how I did it
Unsure whether or not,
Ill make it through another day.
It’s too tough
The world consumes me,
In fear and unsureness.
My mind tells me to cower in fear
And cry in despair
My heart tells me to give up
Stop following a path
That will only hurt me
But it’s the only path
“they” will accept
So what choice do I have?
The heart aches in pain
Knowing I wont fight
Fight the path I was told to follow
Following it with
Every footstep just as painful as the next
I won’t stop
Until I break
Even if I do make my own path
There is no support
And I need that
Because I’m weak
I won’t stop dragging myself
On this path to destruction
I’ll keep hurting myself
Because that’s how it seems,
It’s meant to be
Days pass on
These feelings slowly build up
And it’ll all be over
Maybe then and only then
I’ll be set free
Free from whatever the world forces on me
Free from all the emotions that weigh me down,
In this hellish nightmare I live day to day
Just end it all
I just want freedom
I just want happiness
But in this life of mine
I just cant have that
“So just suffer and shut up
Accept it already!!!”
I’m really sorry
True friends are rare and hard to find
If you find one then be ever so kind
Do not lose them, hold them near
That kind of love is ever so dear
No judgements nor criticims, not even close
Nothing bad, not ever nearly so gross
Just plain acceptance of who you are
They love you from near and ever so far
Forever lasts a real and true friendship
Happiness into your soul it will tip
So if in your life you’re given one such friend
Hold them near, never let it come to an end
To have a true friend is to be blessed for real
The best of the world they’ll always make you feel
Don’t fault them even when they disagree
For that’s what it means to truly be free
Treasure them always more then you would gold
They’ll make your heart warm when you feel cold
A real friend may come only once in your life
But they’re worth it always no matter the strife
If you find a true friend then lucky you are
One of the luckiest on earth, truly by far
This moment in time
Is all that we’re given
Treat it dearly
Before it is riven
Don’t look back
Last moment is passed
Like a stone in the sea
It has been cast
There may not be
A next moment for you
So worry you not
Over that one too
Make this one count
Live it to your best
Ability to do so
Don’t take it in jest
Lord grant you the wisdom
To live fully today
So that I missed it
You won’t have to say
I was shocked, confused and bewildered
As I entered Heaven’s door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its décor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp —
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Bob, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal?
‘I would love to hear Your take.
‘How’d all these sinners get up here?
‘God must’ve made a mistake.’
‘And why is everyone so quiet,
‘So somber — give me a clue.’
‘Hush, child,’ He said,
‘They’re all in shock!
‘No one thought they’d see you.’
(Thought possibly written by either the worst sinner or
the most thankful person in heaven, or both!)