Not quite. Going a bit insane tonight. Feels like I’m going manic again. Dunno if I’ll be able to sleep but my sleeping pills should help. May God grant that there is no accompanying psychosis.

I guess that means I am no longer stable and centered. I am spinning away into forever.

It is an absolute joy to ride the wave. Beats being depressive by miles.

Just had an aborted attempt at driving my daughter to work. Aborted because she found out the person she was going in to cover for showed up. Point is I was dropping the kids off at my sons when 2 people, a man and a woman, accosted me. They asked if I was making a delivery and I said yes… of two kids. They ranted and raved over the Chevelle. Stroked my ego. I felt really good until they asked I had built the car and I had to admit that I had bought it as is. Embarrassing at the same time as it was exhilarating. I love when people love her like I do. She is my baby even more than my bike. I mean my last bike was beautiful as is the Chevelle but my current bike is only average. Yeah I traded down.

I am firmly in the present. No longer buried in the past. May I live forever in the present. Not the past or the future. There is only the here and now. And in this present I am a man, a son, a brother, a husband that was, a father and a grandfather. May God grant that I always remember that and never again go suicidal although I know that to be a stretch. Suicidality goes hand in hand with the fucking depression. I hate that side of me. But God how I love riding the wave.

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