When I met Spence, I was, undeniably, in the worst place in my life – toxic, emotionally abusive, long term relationship with a very selfish man child.

As well as self-harming, drinking to block out the emotional pain, and oh so very depressed.

It’s only now I can see just how bad of a place I was in, it’s quite frightening actually.

Spencer, however, was quite literally my knight in shining armour. Saved me from myself, and while I can’t give him full credit for my newly found life changing motivation for self-improvement, I don’t know where I would be without his support.

Spencer is a married, middle aged, ex semi-pro footballer, with a wonderful caring nature, and a masters degree in manipulation. We clicked immediately, with a comforting sense of familiarity.

Over the years and after my journey back from the dark side our friendship has grown closer, more intense. I thought it was normal to be close to someone who you click so well with.

I noticed the butterflies in my stomach when he greeted me, the excitement and the fanny flutters (Oh, come on, we all know what they are!) but I pushed it aside, knowing it’s wrong, and quite frankly assuming he didn’t feel the same. I was wrong, I wasn’t the only one feeling the intensity of our connection.

Our relationship is built on a solid friendship foundation, and a lot of love. It’s a beautiful trauma, a complex ball of raw emotions and confusion.

The love I feel for Spence is unlike anything I have ever felt before…..

But, enough with the mushy stuff, love isn’t a bed of roses, love is pain, love is acceptance of the other – whatever that may be.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

You cannot control your feelings, you cannot control who you love, but you can control your actions, and that is exactly what we try and do. I can appreciate the subject of affairs with married partners is a touchy one but I blog to be honest, not everyone knows the insights to what looks like the perfect marriage.

Spencer’s marriage to the outside world, even to me, looks like the stuff dreams are made of…. I’ve learnt that not everything is always as it seems, and that people love to put a on a mask.

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