Thoughts.com

So Angry With God Right Now!

   Weston, age 12

I am a whirlwind of emotions right now and all because of this beautiful bright boy.  Yesterday, apparently he stopped breathing and was flown to our regional children’s hospital where emergency surgery was performed on his head.  They found a tumor pressing on his cerebellum and his heart stopped twice during the surgery.  They got him back both times and is currently in a coma and on a respirator.  They are doing testing right now to determine the extent of the damage, to gauge and quantify his brain activity.  All decisions will be made on the testing occurring this next hour or so.

OMG I’m so angry right now.  This is the time… when something bad happens to a child through no fault of their own that I have a crisis of faith.  I get so angry with God… with whoever or whatever is manipulating the cosmos.  Certainly that poor sweet boy did nothing to deserve this punishment.  His parents and grandparents are good hard working, church going people.  Certainly they did nothing to deserve this despair.  Why does bad things happen to good people?  The age old question…

The family is asking for prayers.  Since last night, they have been calling and posting on FB for all prayer warriors to pray for Weston.  My problem is Melissa a/k/a Mom is posting things like “the doctors aren’t very hopeful” or “not looking good”.  While typing this post, Mom/Melissa just posted “no brain activity on first test.  prayers the next one more positive.”  My analytical brain knows what that means…  How do I continue to pray for what I know can not possibly happen?  How can I stop praying for that miracle?

Dear sweet Weston…  when his Mom and I were really close he was a mere kindergartner.  Growing so fast… or so he was.  I’m too tired to be this angry or sad anymore.  I’ll get some sleep and  maybe by time I awaken, God or others will have executed their plan for Weston.  Hang tough little man….