It’s been awhile since I left 4 years ago… but guess what, here I am… again.
So much have changed but it felt like it was just yesterday. I wonder if someone would actually remember me, but who cares 🙂 . There are a lot of new faces, new members, and a few I can really remember. I am glad to see my old friends here still alive and kicking.
So maybe you are wondering what brings me back here.
For the past years,I was this naive teen way back then (and yes, a little part of that still stays within me). I decided to leave for a while and take a new journey. Life went well according to my pace and my plan. I had a great start: attending a post-grad course, enjoying time with the people I love most, learning a bunch of cool new stuff, living and planning the future with my then-partner.Things seem to fall into their proper places,exactly where I imagined them to be. I am now a 4th year post grad student and in just a few months, will be graduating hopefully (*fingers crossed).
But there’s an unexpected twist!!! For the past few months, things went a little bit shaky and a few things got out of my hands. I got confused and frustrated. I broke up with my long time partner. I lost friends. I got lazy and sober. And I doubted my self and my own capabilities. I began to ask myself what I really wanted from the day I decided to take this path. Maybe it’s a little bit late to come up with these kind of questions and doubtful realizations, after all the sacrifices and choices that were made. Days have passed and things around me are changing real fast. But it felt like I was trapped in my own pace and couldn’t cope up. My life slowed down… hours felt like years. Weeks felt like ages. And everyday was just a routine. Everyday became a constant battle with my insecurities and fears (which shouldn’t be). I thought I have overcome these issues and negativity way back then… but I was so damn wrong.
My mind does a lot of overthinking lately. A lot is happening at the exact same time in my head. My heart feels burdened. Everything right now, for me, is… anxiety-inducing. It is. And I just have to let this out as I do some rethinking.