Rediscover Me

Background:

As a man, I feel that the absence of my dad played a major role in the man I turned out to be but could my life be different at this point if he was here? I watched my dad pass away when I was only 5 and until just recently, I have finally dealt with my anger toward him leaving me when I knew it wasn’t of his own choice. God called my dad onward from this life because he needed my dad more than I needed him or atleast that what I tell myself to sleep at night. I’m in my early thirties and the question of am I a man has arised so I’m forced to look back at my life and see if things could be different with my dad and without my dad as it obtains to my role as a man. What called me to question my manhood? well I won’t speak on situations but things have occurred that has me not feeling like I am a man in my house. I sat and prayed for some direction on this matter of my manhood and my role as the man to lead my family. I resulted in rereading this book I was giving called the “Resolution for Men” and it has really raised some question that I must seek God’s guidance in answering not only for my house and family but for myself.

The Path That Lead Me To Seek Me

About six years ago, I was forced with a decision to try and get my life on the way but really I was just getting it started. It is said that “a man’s life doesn’t start until he is around the age of thirty” well I was 26 when I crunk the car up to my life. The path to manhood wasn’t easy as you can see but it is one path I wouldn’t change nor alter in any way. My childhood went by in the blink of an eye for I had to grow up pretty fast after my father passed away. Well honestly, time kind of went slow on the inside because I’m still growing up on the inside. My dad dying left me with some big shoes to fill because I was without the man who was to show me what it means to walk, talk and stand as a man. I was five when he passed so that took a toll on my mental and emotional state but life went on as 2pac said. My mom is and will forever be a picture of strength to me for she did what most would’ve done given up on and that was raise a boy into a man. Oh I forgot to mention the 12 siblings I have but when my dad died it was only 7 of us with one of the way which makes 8 so you see why I had to grow up quick. Things to place when I was about 12 which forced me into some real life altering situations. Me and my siblings were separated from our mom and placed in foster care but I wasn’t there long for I ran away but was caught later that evening and sent to RYDC. I spent a total of 22 days in there but once released I found out we was awarded to our aunt and grandmother. I had some real life experiences before I was even 15 so I know the life of a kid who has no hope or feel that way at least. After my experience being in that detention center I realize that jail was a place I wanted to avoid at all cost. That was the first time I really made a decision on my own and the start of discovering myself. Fast forward about 16 years and realized that it’s time to rediscover what it is I’m looking forward to in my life now and beyond until the day I die. Until I find that out I’ll just go back to rediscovering me.

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