Opening up to the world

Yesterday was my first day back to work and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was a good day, thank God. I was able to put my anxiety to the side and I was able to be calm and confident. Life isn’t easy, it’s hard and a lot of times it could be unfair but I learned that you have to be positive along the way no matter what. You have to learn how to be strong and how to look out for yourself sometimes. I know there will be bad days at work, but there will also be great days where I’ll have a good time and it wont always be stressful. Life hasn’t been easy for me and it’s been really hard for me these past years to cope with all of the things that I’ve lost. I have yet to find myself again and that’s OK, because I know eventually I’ll be myself again. I learned that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my illness, and I should accept it and talk about it. Bipolar depression has had so much control over my life that I have lost people that I cared about because of that. I used to be ashamed of it but I’m not anymore because I didn’t choose this life. I didn’t choose to be someone with anger issues or depression. I didn’t choose to hurt the people that I love. I learned to accept that I’m sick and I need help. My mom deserves to see me get better. Everything that I’m doing is for her. My mom has sacrificed so much just so that me and my brother could eat. She sacrificed her own happiness so many times just so that we could have what we wanted to have. I owe it to her and I owe it to my brother to get better. So everyday I will go to work and I will walk in with a smile on my face no matter how complicated the day can be. I know that God is real and I know that God himself will also help me get through this. I miss my dad and I love him but he has decided not to be a part of my life until he feels like it. Therefore, I need to focus on God and I need to focus on helping my mom and making her proud. Anxiety and depression will always be there, but I will learn to walk over it like it’s an obstacle. I know in my heart that there is so much more to life than this. There is more to life than sadness and pain. There is more to life than worry and despair. There is more to life than illnesses and death. I know that there is something out there waiting for me and I can’t wait to find out what it is because that will be the day I start my journey to success and happiness. Today will be a great day, and today I will try my best to be positive no matter what.

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