not a doll

I used to get angry over the stupidest things. If I thought my friend wasn’t paying enough attention to me, if I thought people were talking about me, etc. It was fickle, annoying, and toxic. I can recognize that.

But lately, I’ve had a whole new set of reasons to get mad. I think a good friend of mine hates the guy I’m seeing, and is trying to do something about it, without actually doing anything. Which is strange because this same friend has never actually treated me this way. They’ve always been blunt to the point of being rude, and very honest with me. They were the ones who cornered me outside of my old house and told me that I should leave the situation I was in if I was so unhappy, staring me down until I conceded that yes, I was unhappy.

But now they’re trying to reach out in the slightest of ways, saying things like, “if you ever need to talk, you have a lot on your plate,” or something vague like, “I guess you are handling the issues okay,” and I have no idea what to do.

So… I got mad. After years of them being the one honest/rude friend I had, to suddenly see them trying to treat me as if I might break at any moment… (not snap or explode, but break like chyna) I just don’t know what to do.

I might break. That’s the worst part. With everything that’s been going on, my dad, my mom, my car, Jack, and other things… I might break. But that doesn’t mean my buddy should be treating me with kid gloves. If anything, treat me like they’ve always treated me. Call me names, get mad, don’t send smiley faces in lieu of an angry retort. I feel a little backhanded.

In fact it’s starting to make me wonder if I have anyone in my corner.

I do, I know this. I’ve got people who come out of the woodwork when shit hits the fan. I’ve got people who answer the phone when I am having a moment, a few people. I’ve got buds and friends and caring people in my life.

Just…why does the one person who’s always been frank suddenly need to be so gentle? What brought that on?

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