Good morning out there. It is a moderate morning for me. I am kind of lost and alone. Lost in the land of melancholy. Introspective. Missing my once upo a time wife. Alone. Yeah lost. Kind of down in the dumps. Not depression yet. I have no suicidal thoughts and the voice is still quiet. My stomach knots are acting up again. Tired. I did not sleep well last night. Had bad dreams of her with him. Woke up a few times sobbing. As always tears haunt me. Seems like tears are an integral part of me these days. I have a difficult time escaping them Oh well. C’est la vie. My head is full of dark thoughts after those dark dreams. I am alone and need to learn to live that way for I will be alone the rest of my life. They say you only hurt the ones you love. Well I’ve done more than my fair share of hurting her. Not it’s my turn for the pain of loss. Damn these bloody tears.
Today it is going to be warm with bright sunshine and low humidity. It will be a good day to get out on the bike if I can get myself over there. That’s the thing. Energy levels are very low and so it is difficult to get moving. Very hard. I haven’t ridden the bike in a long time. I really should get out on it but I don’t want to miss a shot at seeing her. I could use some wind blowing in my face, the blacktop rolling by beneath my feet. I’d take a ride out through Salem county and get lost, then have to find my way home again. I turn randomly when I go out there. Unlike my trips where I feel a need for speed. They take me a defined route down Jackson road where I open her up to about 100 to 110 mph. Just a taste of speed to get the blood flowing. Nowhere near full throttle. Then I make a right at the stop sign and head down to route 206 where I make another right, hit the White Horse Pike and take that back to Berlin then home. That little trip takes me about an hour. When I go out into Salem I am often gone for hours. I cruise about a sedate 50 mph which is the speed limit. Those are mental health trips. The ride down Jackson road are a mind stablizing blast of speed.