I can’t win. I know I can’t. Good thing therapy is tomorrow. What else can I do? Taxes aren’t done and it won’t let me log in even just to file for an extension. Best part is, there wasn’t a lot to do, it probably wouldn’t have taken me very long. Either my computer or the site itself wasn’t working.

It took me the entire day to type up an interview that I probably could have finished in an hour or two. I think that I’m done here. I really am. Which sucks, because it’s not their fault I hate office work and April break really screwed me up. It’s not my coworkers fault that I was down to my last $13 for the next week, due to rent, my half of utilities, and gas. I haven’t eaten out in probably a month or more and I use my entirety of my food stamps every month and don’t even have the chance to spend my own money on food, due to my money all disappearing.

I grew up this way. I know what it’s like to not have money for gas, to not be able to go buy things.

I hate it. I hate hearing my car tick and clunk and U-joint metal-on-metal, and know I can’t fix it because I am living from paycheck to paycheck. I hate that if I want to go do anything now, I have to go with someone else and have them pay for it. I hate that I don’t have the option to grow my own food or have livestock, I could do this pay if I was living at home, where I have that ability, and where I have people who know how to fix cars in their driveway.

It wasn’t like this before. It was Christmas where my plane tickets got screwed up (and I had to redo the others) and I had to pay hundreds of dollars to get them right, then my car needed just a few things fixed and it ended up being almost $1000 and I still didn’t even get to fix the things that were making noises, and new tires. There are times where I hate “real life” and this is one of them.

I knew I was making a really bad decision financially when I took this job but I guess I didn’t realize how bad it was. I don’t know how people do this for two years! I am trying to find a second job still, but not having much luck.

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