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  • denamite posted an update in the group Group logo of Writer's CornerWriter's Corner 5 years, 6 months ago

    Okay, I’ll get it started.

    Adventures of Huckleberry Den
    The following discussion took place a few months ago when my VA drinking buddies got together for our weekly poker game.
    Jake: My wife is always bitching that all I want to do is sit around drinking.
    Marty: BFD. All our wives do that.
    Me: I have an idea. Let’s start a group. We’ll say we’re a professional group of . . .
    Felix: Drunks?
    Me: Bartenders. Hank, you used to be a bartender, didn’t you?
    Hank: Still am. Part time. To help out my brother-in-law once in a while.
    Marty: Your brother-in-law owns a bar? Why didn’t you tell us about that?
    Felix: Hell yes. Maybe he’ll give us discounts on drinks.
    Hank: You all can go there if you want, but I’m out. Anyway, he doesn’t own it, he just runs it.
    Felix: You got something against cheap drinks?
    Hank: No, I got something against my sister knowing everything I do and then telling my wife about it.
    Felix: Ah. He’s got a point there, guys.
    Me: So we can start this group, see. And we’ll incorporate as a non-profit.
    Jake: That shouldn’t be a problem.
    Felix: So, how is that supposed to help us?
    Me: Well, then we can tell the wives we’re not drinking, we’re doing research.
    Jake: Research? Like my wife is going to buy that bullshit. Bartenders doing “research”? Even I would laugh at that.
    Hank: Not bartenders. Mixologists.
    Marty: Huh?
    Hank: Mixologists.
    Felix: What the hell is that?
    Hank: It’s a fancy name for bartenders.
    Jake: Sounds important.
    Hank: Sounds complicated. That’s the whole idea.
    Me: That’s right. We’re experimenting, trying to find some new mixed drink that will take the world by a storm.
    Felix: I can just hear my wife now. “Right, Jasper (she calls me Jasper), because we just don’t have enough alcoholic beverages in this world!”
    Me: Well, I think it’s worth a try. In fact, we could actually try to come up with a few new drink ideas. Who knows? What do you think, Hank?
    Hank: Sounds like fun. I don’t think any of our wives will buy it, but I’ve had a few ideas floating around for a while. I’d love to see what I can come up with.
    Me: Alrighty then. The rest of us can be your test tasters. Taste testers. Tsss, hell you know what I mean.
    Jake: Yes, we drink just like we always do, but we call it research.
    Me: Okay, I’ll take care of the paperwork. What do we call it?
    Felix: Better Health through Alcohol.
    Jake: Drunks of the World Unite!
    Me: No, I’m thinking something more sophisticated, like . . .
    Hank: Well, this is going to take a while, so time to hit the head.
    Me: Professional Mixologists Society.
    (Silence. Expressions of thoughtful ponderance.)
    Felix: I think I speak for all of us when I say, huh?
    Me: Professional Mixologists Society.
    Felix: Whatever.
    Hank: Whatever.
    Jake: Felix, why does your wife call you “Jasper?”
    * * * * *
    Well, we became the Professional Mixologists Society, and I became its president. That didn’t last long, though. I was fired when Felix’s wife saw the acronym on our letterhead.