Maybe it will be okay

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Everything could be okay. I could be sitting in my own kitchen, five years from now, with a cup of coffee and a paper. I could think back on my twenties and laugh at how chaotic my life was. No ounce of calmness, until it was earned. I spent almost every day wondering what would come next. I wove myself in and out of abusive and hurtful romances. I survived suicide attempts and abandonment. I worked different jobs and made different friends.

I hope that five years in the future, this is my thought. Because right now, I am in the middle of it and things are insane.

I’m homeless, and I’m a housekeeper. I cut off my family. My closest friends are exes and my best friend who lives across the country. I may be living out of my car come December. My hair fell out when I was bleaching it. My life is a giant shit show, and I’ve never been more at peace.

I at least have some control over my temper, and I am finally starting medication and therapy. I am trying really hard to simply keep my life intact.

Like I said, I hope it’s all worth it.

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