learn to love the ride

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Okay. So I had a job at a gas station, and I quit. I had another job that paid more. It was a nice job, but then I couldn’t handle it so I left again in a panic. I then went onto another job that was in a call center. I asked to be switched to the factory area. They told me they would let me know in a week. Now I am waiting for an interview to be a specimen collector. I would have to wear scrubs. Which is a question they asked me, if I would be okay with that.

“Yes?”

My car is a 2003 caddie. It sucks up gas like nobodies business, and the front tires are bald and the right headlight is out. I’m in-between jobs and just moved in with my boyfriend.

I am seeing and hearing things, it’s getting weird.

But, my boyfriend keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay. My mom reminded me of stuff I did that was good. I am tired. I don’t have the energy to agree.

Instead I compare. Because 3 years ago I was taking my temper out on others and tearing apart personal relationships. I lost close friends, and caused a lot of problems. I’m not nearly as chaotic anymore. I’m depressed, hallucinating, and jobless. But I don’t destroy people anymore.

I hope.

But, who knows. I didn’t realize how bad I was back then. That and this laptop I have is my mother’s boyfriends. So it keeps showing me where i make errors and it drives me crazy. Insane. Insanity.

I wish life was a little better.

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