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Journal – Sept 12, 2017

It is a bad morning yet I am bound and determined that it will be a good day. Depression is fairly deep this morning but mornings are always my worst time. It is all uphill from here. The beast is loud this morning but he should quiet down as the day progresses. I’ve had no panic attacks or bouts of dissocation. And I haven’t seen the shadow people so my psychosis is under control.

So how am I going to lighten the depression today? Good question to which I really don’t have an answer. For one I will not allow it to trap me in bed or on the couch. I WILL get up and get moving today. Perhaps I will go for a walk with my wife and her friend. They are speed walkers and so it is quite a workout. Walks generally last about an hour and they do about 5 miles. That is almost a run if you ask me. I went with them once last week and worked up a good sweat. I was the anchor dragging them down though. I’m not sure they liked that so maybe I won’t go with them again. Dunno. Depends on if I am welcome and if I can get my ass in gear. Also depends on whether or not I can psych myself up for the torture involved.

Other than that I don’t know what I will do. I still have more branches to burn in the backyard so I could have a fire. I have set up an account from which Tianna and Domani can video chat with their father who is in jail. I have to set an appointment time though. I think it will do them both a lot of good to be able to see and talk to him. They have seen so little of him in their lives. He is currently in a wheelchair from a Mersa infection in his leg. But he is clean and sober having been in jail for a good 9 months now. Not sure what he is there for. It’s either child support payments or a drug offense. I thought it was child support but that is usually only 3 or 4 months so perhaps it is drugs. He, like so many others I know, has/had an opioid addiction. Opioid addictions are epidemic around here these days. Everyone has one or knows someone who does. I will have to use the laptop, which is fairly slow, for the video session since my desktop does not have a video camera or microphone. But it should be sufficient to do the job. Actually they could use an Android phone or a tablet too but they have iphones and I am not letting them install the app on MY phone. As for a tablet none of us has one. My Nook doesn’t count. It it unusable for such a purpose.

Oh God the kids are up so off goes the news and on comes Nick Jr. Just what I don’t need right now. Paw Patrol. Miah’s favorite even though he is not here right now. DJ is watching it.

I slept well last night. First time in over a week. I was in bed early and got a good 7 hours of unbroken sleep. I think I was exhausted from all those nights of just 3 or 4 hours of sleep because I slept like the proverbial dead. If the alarm had not gone off I might still be in bed asleep but I had to get up to get Domani up for school. I still say that boy should have his own alarm clock but they say it will not wake him up. From what I see I agree with them. I have to go up there 4 or 5 times to make sure he gets up before he actually does. That really pisses me off. I have to get up early to wake him and he refuses to get up and get ready. I actually have to get up extra early to allow for how long it takes to get him up. I do that so that my wife can sleep an extra hour or so.

Well be good. Stay strong. Always face the world with a smile. Never refuse a hug and try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real life changing magic in smiles and hugs and laughter. Let it change YOUR life.

2 thoughts on “Journal – Sept 12, 2017”

  1. Looking in on your part of the world as reflected by your blog.
    exercise and we know what we can do. anchor and main sail, all are necessary.
    as for depression, am a north country person and see the sun, but see more gray. depression, and yes… is comes and goes. seasonal depression they call it. I work thru it, much as you do.
    and the rest is your journal. found it interesting. have a good day.

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