Journal – Oct 11, 2018

Not a bad day. Not necessarily a good one but definitely not bad. We’ve had some heavy showers blowing through and it’s cloudy outside and it’s a blah day. But I’m pretty stable and feeling alright. Perhaps I can survive this after all. Can and will. After all others do. Why can’t I? Sure it hurts like hell and even now, 2 months later, it brings on tears randomly. I love that woman and always will. But I think I can live with her barely in my life. As long as I have my mom and dad and Joe and Mary. That’s it for parents and friends and support base. Not true. I forgot Iris who has proven invaluable.

I still get pretty crazy when I think about it and so I don’t think about it, if I can help it. Sometimes, like now, I can’t. And it always brings tears. I type this through a haze of tears.

We had it so good once upon a time. Where did it go wrong? I know where it started going wrong. And that was all my fault. Always will be and it seems there is no way through it for her. I am so far beyond sorry. Too late but I am. Besides sorry just can’t fix this. Else it would have long ago been fixed.

Always think carefully about the ramifications before you act. Always. Never just react or just act without thought. It CAN destroy your life. It WILL destroy your life.


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