Journal – August 20, 2019

I have been having really good days. Despite minor fluctuations, minor diversions from centerline, I have actually been living life for once. I have been smiling. I actually laugh with my wife. Real laughter and not just a small chuckle at some post or other. I can’t even recall the last time I laughed for real. It has to be decades.

There has been no voices. I’ve seen no shadow people. Dunno, my arch nemesis, has been absent as has his brother NoahBody and the little girl. I’ve had no suicidal ideations. At the same time I have not been wildly over the top.

I’ve been happy for once. Amazing. I also can’t recall the last time I was really happy.

I feel alive, like my old self. And it feels damn good. It’s been decades since I lost myself to the BP madness. It feels wonderful to be back.

I’ve thanked the Lord for these days and asked Him to continue to be with me and help me stay strong when the pendulum swings the other way, as I know it inevitably will. I am not being a pessimist when I say that. I merely face the reality of my life. Despite how good I’ve been feeling I cannot afford to let myself be lulled into forgetting my reality.

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