Journal – Aug 8, 2019 – AM

It is a good morning and I sense that it will be another good day. 3rd one in a row. I am on a roll. Thank You God for these days. I get few enough of them and so I must be thankful for each and every one.

I am still snae and stable, centered and grounded. I slept well even if it was for only six hours.

And there is no headache this morning for the first time in over a week. Those headaches have been killing me, crippling me with their agonizing pain. I am truly blessed to wake this morning without one. Again, thank You God.

I have heard on the news that so of today medically assisted suicides are legal in New Jersey. More cheapening of human life. Why is it we value the lives of our pets more than the lives of our fellow man? Our children? It is disgraceful and truly sad. And that comes from someone who has attempted suicide multiple times. But I did so out of madness. Well THIS is utter madness too.

More violent storms and flash flooding and high winds and hail. It has been a summer filled with them. They roll across multiple states. May God bless and hold safely in His hands all those who are endangered by these storms.

Now that I am on a roll with good days I hope and pray that at last the instability I have experienced ever since getting out of the nuthouse has passed. It has been a wild ride these last 2 or 3 weeks. A ride filled with wild cycles and psychosis. I really hope that is all behind me now. I hope I can be at peace.

I am neither melancholy nor introspective this morning. I look not into the pain of the past or the blackest future. I live in the here and now, one day, one moment at a time. It is all that I can do if I am to deal with the pain of losing her. It is the only way I can survive. I also hope that I can keep focused on just this moment. I pray God give me strength. I cannot do it alone.

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