It Finally Hit Me

Yesterday, we found out that our board decided that there would be no classes at school for the rest of this school year. We all expected it. The governor of Tennessee closed public schools on Wednesday, so it was just waiting for official word from our private school board that we would do the same.

As a person who takes meds that supresses my immune system because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis, I am grateful that they considered my health and the health of others when they made their decision. I am still “teaching” because we are doing remote learning until the end of school, but it isn’t the same.

This morning, I got up and did my normal Saturday planning and decided to plan out hhe rest of the year. When I finished, sadness hit me. All of the cool ideas I had for these units are turned into vocab and worksheets. Those in depth discussions on how this event affects our wold today, also not happening, because I am not there. I feel cheated. I feel my kiddos are cheated. Our seniors and their parents Are cheated. I know social distancing is what we need to do to protect ourselves and others, but for a few moments today, I am going to mourn what we have all lost because of this virus. I mourn for those who lost jobs, those family memories that didn’t get made at Easter. I mourn for that family who is wondering if they can keep their small business open. I mourn for my in laws who are in nursing facilities and are going on almost 2 months without a visitor. I mourn for those who lost loved ones on this and our medical staff who put their health in jeopardy every time they go to work.

I am going to take a few minutes to wallow, and then I will pull myself back up by my bootstraps and get on with my day, because there is no sense in letting covid-19 steal anymore than it already has from us!

2 thoughts on “It Finally Hit Me”

  1. It’s amazing how quickly we can be pulled down into a spiraling hole when we think about this Virus. Yes…give time to mourn these very valid things …we have to release our sadness somehow. But like you said…we need to hop out of that hole and get back to what positive we can do during this time.
    I remember almost a month ago I woke up got ready and walked upstairs into the kitchen and looked out my windows. I started to smudge and I just started crying and couldn’t stop for a bit. It was the sadness of the world coupled with a little fear I had inside with a son being in Europe ..so far away from me during this uncertain time. Mind you….my sons are grown men…but still my babies. I was worried about a sister who flew to the Middle East for a contracting job….my parents…it was just everything. That was the only time I let it out…and since have found peace and calm. Sometimes we don’t even know that we are showing stress about this in different ways.

    Anyhow Jen……I was watching news stories of Teachers going to their students houses holding up signs. One teacher sat on the sidewalk and read a story to her young student who sat in their driveway. But it sounds like your students are a bit older. It would be kind of funny if you did that with high school students. Maybe you can create a discussion forum for your students to all participate in with varying topics of the Covid 19 world?

    Hope it all gets easier for you and your students.

    1. I used to work in a high school, so the kids that were there when I was there are graduating. My current students are 2nd- 8th grade. I teach a 3rd 4th split of ELA and Social Studies.

      At the high school, I had the ISS class. The school I am at now is a small, private Christian school. It is so different. I went from a school with 2000 kids to a school with 30 pre k- 7th.

      I have a friend who teaches high school and her twins are seniors. She has looked forward to handing them their diplomas for years. She is sad that she may miss that moment with her sons. Just thinking of my situation, coupled with friends who have lost jobs, are sick, etc, just hit me this morning and I had to get it out.

      Today was much better. I just have to write my emotions to get them out. The hubs and I took a little drive and went to a really good mom and pop burger place about an hour from our house. It was a beautiful day.

      I will be praying for you and your family abroad. Mommas always worry about their kids, no matter the age. I do not have kids of my own, but I know my parents still worry about me.

      I am usually pretty upbeat, but just the finality and reality that this year will end like this just stung.

      Thanks for your comment. You are so right about moving on and moving past the sadness and hurt.

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