How I won a fight with my mother, I didn’t even know I was in

Since the story is about my mom, here is an old picture of her and my father. I was looking through my computer for a newer one, but this is the only one I found. She was, of course much older at the point of the story.

This may have been a flashback article at one time….but recent circumstances remind me. Actually that was the previous time I shared this story. This time, it is because I am going through some old work. I decided to move it to a new site.  I will preface the story by saying that my mother once told me that I would argue with a post if it stood still…..and if it found a voice, I CERTAINLY would.

Well, I am at times a very easy going person in that I hate confrontation and hate to have the peace broken.  However, if I get my mind made up about something, there is nothing that is likely to shake me from belief in what I am saying.  And nobody…and I mean NOBODY is going to dissuade me.

I remember arguing with a neighbor over a glue bottle…I knew how to use it, he either didn’t or pretended not to in order to annoy me, but we argued for a while.  Finally, mom told me to stop arguing if this adult was too stupid not to argue with a child. That made him mad and he went home in a snit. My mom wasn’t particularly sorry to see him go, so all was well.  

My mother once used a term that I find offensive to discribe me, and gave full push-back. I asked her point blank if she would refer to other people using an insulting word and she acknowledged on each one, that she would not, at least not in person. I, then, asked her why she felt free to refer to me with the insulting word to MY face. She never said that word in reference to me or anybody else after that episode. Well, at least not in my hearing.  I can and will stand up for what I believe.

Well, sometimes my resolution and determination (rude folks would call it stubbornness…LOL) come though no matter how gentle or quiet my words are.  So it was with this “fight” with my mother.

This was after Roy came into my life.  She had been down to see me (read that as us) at our apartment but apparently it had been a while since I had been up to see her.  She wanted us, by which she actually meant ME, to come up and spend the weekend with her. She also told me that if we both came we couldn’t sleep together at her house.

Now my reaction to that was to say “ok, when we come there, we will get a motel room”.  That is all I remember saying. No rancor, just statement of fact.

About a week or two later, she called back and rescinded her earlier statement and said that she had decided after all that we COULD sleep in the same bed in her house.

Now, why did she change her mind?.  Was it because she really decided it was ok?  Or was it that she realized that I was just determined enough that 1. I wouldn’t come back “home” unless I had the money for a motel room and 2. if I stayed in a motel room, she would see a lot less of me each trip.

I don’t know, I never asked…I just took the win handled me….went and spent the weekend, the two of us slept in the same room…at her house.  And nothing more was said.

Personally, however, I think I “won” because she knew how hard-headed I was and am….and if she stuck to her guns, so would I, and she would see a lot less of me than in the past.

10 thoughts on “How I won a fight with my mother, I didn’t even know I was in”

  1. Oh my goodness…..your parents could have been lead actors in an old black and white movie. Almost too perfect …no?

    And from that picture I can see your mother trying to get the upper hand with you.
    She had to try.
    My mom is sort of the same…….sort of.

    1. Well, they were a mess…both of them. My father was a busy man…and my mother was a needy woman. I got to deal with the divide… **sigh** I used to tell a story that perfectly illustrates their relationship, based on astrology.

      My mother was a water sign….Cancer (actually she was closer to the cusp with Leo meaning she had to be the center of attention, but did it in a “I need love and family” kind of way)

      My father was an earth sign….Capricorn

      What do you get when you combine earth and water? MUD.

      And Monica, as I would end the explanation, that fit entirely too well.

      Me, I was a Sagitarius, an air sign that had to shoot my arrow thought all that mud. It was bound to hit a few water pockets and rocks.

      1. Astrology is my JAM.
        I usually get my chart done yearly from my friend who is an astrologist with a tiny bit of a psychic gift. So when you enter her apartment you smell incense down the hall before getting to her door. When you enter you see stones and singing bowls and temples. Anyhow…let me get back on track here.
        So what I am saying is…I GET YOUR STORY COMPLETELY.

        People really should do astrology research on potential partners. Because after the infatuation wares off you are left with seeing clearly all the small quirks that irk you. And funny thing is…. all are written in some book somewhere. ALL WARNING SIGNS ARE WRITTEN SOMEWHERE. This sign is prone to do this… that sign loves beautiful things…yada yada yada. And they even have a big ole thick book matching all signs explaining the pros and cons of the possible partnership. I know…cause I own that book and its downstairs in one of my book piles and don’t feel like going down there and looking for it at the moment.

        As for your parents…..they actually do mix….water nourishes earth. BUT….people do not realize that each sign is broken into 3 groups depending on the day they were born.So there are 3 types of each sign. AND….though your mother may have been Cancer many of her other house signs could have been Aries or something so opposite of your fathers. For example…one of my Leo sisters has a strong Pisces moon and 4 of her houses fall into Pisces. So though she comes off as a hard headed 6ft tough ass Leo Chick…..she can be so emotional. Pisces is the most feminine sign in the zodiac. A very emotional sign. So her dramatic tantrums are so NOT Leo. Astrology gets complicated.

        And you actually are a Fire sign. So………..that explains a LOT.

        hahahaha…..;)

        They are beautiful people….your parents. You can see where you got your good looks.

        I have been responding to this for an hour because I am watching Cash Cab at the same time.
        I really need to keep the TV off when on here.

        1. Well, first of all, I didn’t get my “good looks” from them. They were not biologically my parents, nor, in fact provably any relation. They WERE from the same ethnic stock…a kind of pale glow in the dark version of “white people”. My adoptive mother could possibly have actually been my aunt because my biological mother and one of mom’s brothers, shall we say, got around.

          I am a Sag, but not as aggressive, or assertive as many because my birth hour was in the very early morning. I do believe in the personality portion of astrology although I have never accepted all the predictions, never found any of mine that rang true at the time or even years later looking back.

          So how am I a fire sign?? That one passed me by.

          1. So you found your biological mother?

            “…a kind of pale glow in the dark version of white people”……..hahahahahahaha…..I will have to check my color scale on white to see if I can match the exact one you are talking about.

            As for Sagittarius……your element is Fire and not earth.
            Have you had your chart done?
            That is the only way to get an accurate description of your personality traits. It is complicated….but if you find a great Astrologer they can explain all the houses and how each one effects the different parts of our personality. And each house could sit in different zodiac signs. Which is why a very basic description of your birth sign will hit a few things….but it definitely will not describe anyone to a tee.

            1. Ok, first, I know that Capricorn is an earth sign which is what made my mom and dad, mud. (mom being water/cancer, father being earth/capricorn).

              Yes, I am a fire, I had got it into my head somewhere along the line that I was a air song, but sure enough, here is the breakdown.

              Triplicity Day Ruler Night Ruler
              Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) Sun Jupiter
              Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) Venus Moon
              Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius ) Saturn Mercury
              Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)

              That being said, I have had full readings more than once. Personality wise, it almost always gets me right on target. my ascendent sign is also sagittarius, which means I am a less forceful a sagittarius. I tend to be discreet about when I shoot my arrow into the sky and what I aim at.

              However, i have never had a reading that told me what was going to happen in the future with any reliability, which could be because I reject at the corn of being being put in a box. LOL

            2. There was never a matter of finding my biological mother. It was a private adoption. In essence, my adopted father was in the back yard when the neighbor came up to him and said “I have a woman on the side that had a baby and she can’t take care it…wonder if you would adopt since you and your wife don’t have any children and I hear you want one”.

              I always knew who my bio mother was, I grew up with her and my bros and sister as “family friends”. I never knew for sure who my father was though, and felt like I missed on, and that causes me to pull away and no longer be “family friends” with my bio family after a certain point. Now my bio mother is dead, and the only brother I ever really liked is just someone that i have let go. I may be back in touch at some point, but right now I don’t feel that as a priority.

  2. Did your siblings know you were one of them?
    What a unique story.
    Did you feel a special bond with your bio mom?
    You don’t have to answer……just my mind wondering is all 😉

  3. Yep, they knew. They called me their half-brother. I had and still have a connection, but also a large amount of resentment of my biological mother. That is why I am not in contact even with my favorite of the brothers now. This is just too much water under the bridge.

    My bio sister, I have only met once since we have been adults, and her health reflects the abuse of living with our bio mother who used her as a servant more or less. It was “Kim’s” job to look after our grandfather. Meanwhile the bio mother managed to find man after man to support her, until finally the oldest son managed to get her a house to live in.

    She was a user…big time. Didn’t want the older bro to marry, and never accepted his child, even though he was supposed to drop everything and come to her aid if she needed it. THAT was his job.

    As you can, I have resentment…partly for my brother who I think she abused but also for myself. For me, she just never would tell me who my bio father was. Yet let one of her men friends try to browbeat me into calling her “mother” instead of her name….I never did call her that….she never was one to me. My adopted mother fulfilled that function and I wasn’t about to compromise on it.

    Plus, my bio brother (the only one I really care in the whole bunch) is very uneducated, and Southern Baptist, so I doubt he would understand or accept me if he knew I was gay, so I just kind of keep him separate.

Leave a Reply