Healing is Messy…
…It’s 10:13pm! 13 minutes past curfew hours, thanks to Covid-19 protocols! She is sitting in front of her mirror reeling through her thoughts…She had a perfectly good day and is relieved to be back home-her safe haven! See, today she met her divorce lawyer to discuss the progress of legally ending her marriage! She walked out of her unhappy marriage a while back and has been on a self-finding journey, working hard to find her centre and balance in the midst of her budding career, social life and general chaos that is just her life! Healing is messy but surprisingly, she is THRIVING!!! She continues to sip on her expensive wine as she cranks up the music, because there’s going to be a party up in there! I kid! no parties are allowed on her flat-because the building manager said so and that’s on Periodt!
Fast-Forward; she decides to call her “situation-ship” because she misses him and wants to find out how bae is doing! Awww…so sweet, right? Wrong!!I say situation-ship because she loves this guy to bits, she’d literally take 10 bullets for him (cray cray) but the dude, well…he loves her, BUT only as a friend! Ha! Hotspot connected, no internet -If you know you know! I digress! Dude picks up her call and they get to talking but they hardly get past the niceties and salutations. He reminds her of therapy and shames her and goes on to tell her that he is angry with the fact that she’s not on anti-depressants anymore.
You see, 6 months into the year, her therapist prescribed some meds- for only 5 days- because she was at the brink of a major breakdown. It’s now 8 months down the line and she’s been feeling better, slowly managed to pull her self out of her murky dark thoughts and has been functioning alright. But he is of a different opinion all together; he tells her she ought to be on those meds for a year or two! That she ought to be seeing her psychiatrist every week to fill up her prescriptions…because, get this, she didn’t pull herself out of the dark place mentally, apparently the meds did all that!
He goes on to tell her that she’s a crazy person and that she can’t function without antidepressants and therapy! The Nerve on this guy!! Right?? And to add salt to the injury, he hangs up on her-never mind that she’s the one who had called him! Rude!!
At this point she is confused and can’t process what just happened and she balls her eyes out! She cried a river 😭! Hec, I broke down into tears for her as well and just couldn’t continue watching the movie! I needed to pause and take a minute! I switched off my TV and decided to fix myself a snack…When I finish the movie I will be sure to let you all know how it ends and what became of her!
…Progress is certainly not linear
See, shit happens every day! I won’t even get started on the unexpected Triggers and Stressors!! You’re just chilling, good vibes, positive energy, ta-da-da…then boom 💥 Triggers and Stressors just hit you out of nowhere…and they hit hard until you get de-stabilized. Yo!!😭 Sometimes, the hit can even take you back to square zero!…Maybe Someone has said something insensitive or treats you some type of way, or you see something and it reminds you of someone or something else, or you could be watching a movie or a clip, or it could be something you hear….Triggers galore! Stressors everywhere! Especially in this society of every man for himself! damn!
I know it’s not easy, it’s not easy at all! Especially if you are not in a good mental space! If you are going through hell, Keep going; why would you wanna stop in hell anyway, right? So just keep going.…It’s not easy pulling yourself from a dark place mentally-It takes a whole lot of strength and people don’t realize that…Everyone says reach out but when you eventually muster the courage to reach out you get judged, or get mocked, or get labeled crazy, or keep being fobbed off with high dosage Meds, or get ignored and keep being reminded that you’re annoying 😭….When all you need is just for them to listen, to listen with no judgment or disdain! Sigh 😔
…But you know what, It’s okay! It’s okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again. It’s okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control. You’re not weak! Healing is Messy and there’s no timeline for healing. Sending a hug to you who needs one, sending love and light ❤️ to you who needs to hear this; Progress isn’t linear!
The silver lining is that it’ll get better, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow either ❤️🩹 but it will one day, Yes it will…it has to! You know why? because once you hit rock bottom only other way to go is UPWARDS! 😌 So, keep trying, keep going and keep up the fight in you…keep learning how to catch yourself when you fall and keep believing in yourself 🤗❤️🩹❤️
I BELIEVE IN YOU! 🙂