I was soooo angry and sad…but I held it together. Yet somehow he thought I was crying. Ugh! How self-absorbed can one person be?
He thought I was crying over him…when the truth is I wanted to throat punch him.
I sat there in that room and watched all of those people fall for his fake charm. I felt like someone that had seen the Wizard behind the curtain and couldn’t unsee it. His charms weren’t effective on me. Do I still love his smile…yes…even now with missing teeth his grin is goofy…but his eyes smile when he smiles. It’s something I have always loved. Yet…it isn’t blinding any longer…or hypnotizing. I know what is behind that curtain of charm…and it is a sad, angry, vindictive, evil, manipulative, mentally ill symbol of a man. A boy really.
He has potential to be amazing…because I have seen the true and sincere amazing man, too. He caught me before I hit the floor the night my Dad died. He showed up on our wedding day. He held my hand and comforted me the day my paternal grandma died. He was there to comfort me and my daughter the night she was raped. I just don’t know where this person is the rest of the time.
I have left him alone. I don’t even reply to many of his texts…therefore eliminating the fighting. I have paid his phone bill, auto, health, critical illness, cancer, accident, legal, and life insurance for the two months he has been gone. Haven’t asked for a dime. 2 vehicles…full coverage! Brand new cellphone…unlimited data. Yet last night he has the audacity to tell me he doesn’t trust me. He doesn’t trust me?? He took my baby’s Christmas present back…away from her. He has lied, threatened, accused, and manipulated…and HE DOESN’T TRUST ME???
It shouldn’t be shocking that he believes I was crying over him. He is very full of himself.
I did cry…after he left…but it wasn’t over loving/losing him. I cried over and over, because I realized I could never unsee behind the curtain. I realized my rose colored glasses were gone, and I was well aware…I might not want him back.