free pass?

My sister has high anxiety, depression, and lived a “hard,” life according to my mother. Her father is a narcissistic, abusive excuse for a man, and doesn’t speak to her. Her two older sisters (not me) refuse to speak to her, and even went so far as to call her names. She has a single mother, moved around a lot, and was bullied as a kid. It sounds like a lot, even to me, I guess.

So she’s allowed to have breakdowns, go to therapy, cry, all these things. My mom says, “oh she had such a rough time as a kid, I just want to make it up to her,” and then lets my sister get away with everything.

I love my sister, I really do. My sister is a very kindhearted individual. She is bright, talented, unique, strong. But she has no sense of self discipline, because she gets away with everything.

She puts her feet on my dashboard and I ask her to please put them down, she snaps. She goes through my phone, because she feels entitled. She steals my clothes and then refuses to give them back, she currently has half my wardrobe and my mom refuses to make her give it back. My fault for letting her borrow it in the first place, but it’s getting ridiculous. She lies to my face about clothes I know are mine, clothes I wear because they are nice and I need to dress nicely for the office I work in…

Then there is the fact that I am not allowed to have a difficult time. I’m not allowed to have anxiety, anger, or anything. My mother once said, “your childhood ended when you were 13, so deal with it,” and left it at that.

I dealt with all the things my sister dealt with. I dealt with her abusive father, cornering me, making me wrestle him even when I didn’t want too as I started to enter puberty, throwing my things, cornering me and reminding me my mother was worthless… and I dealt with my sister, trying to keep the most painful things away from her… I was the one who potty trained her, fed her dinner, helped her with homework, all of the things, put her to bed.

When I was in high school I couldn’t participate in any activities because I had to be home for my sister, my mom wouldn’t even let me get a job. I had to be home in time to make sure that my sister was fed and ready to begin homework. I had to quit chorus, and never had any money because we were poor and when I did have money, my mom would steal it from my purse to buy…things. (Not food or anything)

I was there when we were stalked by my sister’s father. I was there when my mom refused to come home because she met a new guy and wanted to do drugs and drink instead. I was younger than my sister is now and if I even showed one sign of “weakness,” I got screamed at and grounded for a week.

It’s still like that. I get told I had an easier life. I would like to see where that’s true. If you’re giving one child a free pass, then don’t flip out on me when I say I am considering therapy… seriously. It’s not like I’m asking for a free pass. Just understand that I’m allowed to feel bad about the past as well.

3 thoughts on “free pass?”

  1. finds all this perplexing. not sure why. double standard. that’s it

    but is a good read. great contrast. has me thinking. just now

    thanks you. will be back. good read.

  2. Your mom is an enabler playing favorites. You are the only one who can change the dynamics with your sister. The first thing I would do is pay a visit to her room take your stuff back. Next, I would let her know in no uncertain terms that you deserve respect. If you don’t expect respect you will not get it. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude you can still assert yourself and still love someone. Otherwise, you are enabling as well.

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