Cat Jokes gathered over the years

I have shared my home with a cat with a firm paw for 15 years now. She tells me when it is time to go to bed and when time to get up…and she certainly lets me know when it is time to feed, water, or change her litter box. When I consulted with her tonight, she told me that it was time for me to share some jokes about the most wonderful animal that exists in the universe….obviously she meant CATS.

So here goes.

I understand that there is some sort of “rule” about blogs to the effect that you don’t blog about your pets….well guess what….LOL (both from recently received emails)

Law of Furniture Replacement A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

Law of Cat Washing A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropriate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

Law of Cat Mass The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up. (now this one is no joke, just simple cats weights about 10 lbs at most. Yet if i try to pick her up, it is like trying to pick up..not a brick, but a entire brick wall)

Law of Concentration of Mass  A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

Law of Cat Gravitation A cat’s gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.

Law of Selective Listening Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.

Law of Equidistant Separation All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

Law of Cat Invisibility Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.

Law of Space-time Continuum Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle) It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

Law of Cat Obedience As yet undiscovered.

2 thoughts on “Cat Jokes gathered over the years”

  1. Those poor cats in the video…ha! I think my cats pulled all of those stunts at one time or another.
    Cat’s are such a pain in the butt because they do what they want when they want and where they want and we let them.
    Your cat looks loved. Nice coat for a 15 year old cat.
    I have 2 cats…..I can’t post a pic on a reply so ill post their pic in a bit.
    I really was contemplating getting a puppy a few years ago but my sons at that time could not agree. One wanted a English Pit Bull….the other wanted a Huskey…and the 3rd wanted a shelter dog. So I ended up getting another kitten as a friend for my almost 12 year old cat. And I kick myself for doing that sometimes. She wants attention all of the time.

  2. honestly, that is here 3-5 years ago, maybe a bit more now, but she still has pretty soft and fluffy fur. At one time I had something like 7 cats…I had a life-partner that couldn’t a cat on the street, or in a paint bucket as we found a little of kittens, that we ended up getting one out of the 4 with 3 other people getting 1 each.

    But since he died and i have been alone since 2006 I have done much better on the piling up of animals. I am thinking once she dies, I might get a dog…but for me, especially living in an apartment, it is more likely to be a Chih which I was raised with…or maybe a small poodle. But then I have had cats since 1991 and am really person anymore with them being more independent and less needy.

    But Patches is the exception to the rule about cats not coming to you when you called, because often she will. She is getting less likely lately because I think she is getting older, and maybe even slightly hard of hearing..or maybe she is just more stubborn with age. I hear that goes around….but I wouldn’t know only being 66 years old. Not old at all. LOL

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