Being sober…

So today is like my 31st day being sober from everything. Alcohol and marijuana.

I used to smoke all the time when the pandemic first started, and it was too much. I ended up quitting, just to lower my tolerance and recently started smoking again. I discovered that I was not good at smoking anymore, and my tolerance was actually too low. So, I stopped smoking altogether. I don’t know if I was ever addicted, but I do know that I smoked way too much. It was pretty easy to quit, and honestly I haven’t missed it or anything.

But, alcohol is really the hardest thing to quit. I’ve been drinking off and on since 2015. I started in college. Then I moved to another town about an hour away from where my family lives, and my friends. I started drinking a lot then too. They had beer in the fridge at work and encouraged us to help ourselves, we also worked next to a pharmacy that sold tall boys of beer. I would sneak them in, and drink them once everyone was gone. I usually just walked home (didn’t have a license yet) or I would stay late in the office til my dad could pick me up and I wouldn’t tell him how much I had been drinking. Then I started coming back to town to hang out with my friends, and we would go out on the weekeds and I would drink heavily. I would drink too much, and constantly end up getting sick and drink some more.

Then I met my current boyfriend (or re-met him), and I started drinking when I was around him. I would constantly grab a soda cup and fill it with wine and bring it with me on the way too his place. He didn’t even question it, yet. Then I moved into my own place for a new job I got, and started drinking at work again. I would sneak in wine in a tall cup I had, and just spend all day drinking. I would drink before work events and meetings as well. It sucked but that’s what it had turned into. Then my relationship with my boyfriend started going downhill, so I started drinking more. Then, I ended up leaving everything and moving in with my grandmother and father. I stopped drinking for awhile actually. I was doing good. I didn’t have more than a glass of wine here and there.

Then I started drinking more again. I even drank at work once. A new job this time. I then started to go to AA meetings and trying to be sober. I liked being sober, and it felt right. Unfortunately I fell off the wagon and started too drink again.

Soon it turned into drinking all the time because I was bored. It escelatad into one day me asking my dad for money, and using it to get alcohol. I was so desperate for numbness, and I felt like I needed the alcohol. The next day I decided too become sober for real. I have been sober for around a month and one day. I quit drinking and I haven’t been to AA yet because I’ve been trying to figure out my schedule for the past month but everything is constantly changing. But, I have stuck to being sober. Even when I feel like I have no choice but to drink,

It’s not much progress. But, it’s something. I have decided to stay sober because drinking isn’t good for me. Smoking may be okay, but I decided if I am going to be sober I should do it all the way. I have nothing against smoking or drinking, at all. But, I have decided that it’s not for me.

Being sober is hard. Some days, like today I just want to drink. I get bored easily and drinking helps pass the time. Instead I have to find other ways to fill my time, like writing and watching tv. Reading, hanging out with friends. Anything really, that will make it so I am not thinking about drinking. It can be hard. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up and cry.

Anyway, that is all for now. Today is my 31st day sober.

Thanks for reading.

3 thoughts on “Being sober…”

  1. Thankfully I was never much of a drinker – I didn’t like the effects alcohol had on my mind and body. I actually stopped drinking altogether many years ago and have not returned to it.

    I’m sure that if your liver could speak, then it would thank you for your recent sobriety.

Leave a Reply