I see it in your eyes. That slight distaste of something that has not met your standard. I see it in your nose. A twinge of disgust, vaguely reminiscent of something witchy.
You are telling a story about one of your sons. The one who does not execute an action to your satisfaction.
Of course, this is not surprising, your work standard is a level above most.
He was painting the porch with you, helping with more passion than common sense. In a dreamy reverie, he was painting in unaware exuberance. The paint from his brush was splattering over on to you. Sighing with a feigned sympathetic whisper, you asked him for the brush and told him, “Never mind. Thank you. I will finish it.”
You were clear at what you wanted to tell me. Your son was less than able in your eyes and when it came to getting things done, he was a hindrance. He was making the job more difficult and his painting was making the job look shoddy. You were telling me the story before dance class.
I understand. Possessing an ability I admire, you can do things very well. You are capable and hardy. Anything you tackle succeeds excellently.
What you do not know is how you affect others with your arrogance based on the belief that everyone can execute like you while secretly harboring the intuition that you are better than others. By your standards, this son is unfocused, a bumbler, a dreamer.
I do not know how your son experiences you but my take? Your arrogance is poison.
You are ignorant that you are being harmful. You believe, “If I can do it, so can they.” You respect people who rise to your scathing criticism and learn to do things as well as you.
However, you are lacking many other talents. Other skills that your bumbling son may have acquired. Maybe he is less than perfect at painting a porch but his gentleness could be superior to yours.
We are each physically variant, a unique ‘transformance’ emerging from interactive experience. You do not value gentleness, to you it is weakness. Gentleness can never aspire to your standards of toughness.
You add insult to injury as in your disdain, you place more importance on things trumping your son’s confidence while simultaneously sunning yourself on the proof of his incompetence. You choose things over people’s feelings. In addition, you lack the sensitivity to realize you are harming. Sensitivity is the cause of gentleness and you are the antithesis of this, you are tough.
I will never say this to you for you would call me a wimp and devastate me with your abuse. You do not understand your effect on others. My experience is a subjective and personal feeling to which only I can attest. Furthermore, your arrogance in believing you can correctly tell me how I should be affected, makes me laugh. You expect others to be like you and feel disdain when they are not. There you are – in your fully glory of arrogance.
Once I wanted to be your friend. Now, I thankfully accept and support your distance.
Unfortunately, as you scour others for perfection, you inflict fresh wounds. Some know and back away, others cannot and the shards of their souls wake behind you.