Madness, Suicidality. I have enough pills. Can’t go on like this. Who gives a flying fuck? Tears, Who cares? Death. It calls. No onw cares. They all had a need. Whatr about my need? I can’t do this anymore. She gioes nuts. Whatr about me? She saud she woud be home Monday. Mary said Friday. I can’t do this. Madness. Alone. I need to lket hjer go. Gone forever. After 40 years it is done. I cannot do this anymore. She leaves me. She does notneed me. Not like I need herr. She does snot want me. She sauid so. I need toi let her go. Back to John. I can do this. Even if it costs me my life>I don’t want to live anymore anyway. I am sure I have lung cancer. Fuck it. You can’t live forever. I don’t want to live anymore anyway. If I could only die. Or take my own life. Madnesss. Yes. Or it it sanity? Depression is so deep that I don’t even know anymore. Die. Let me die.