How can you just ignore all of these issues? It makes me tired, and more tired. I tried, you know. Or, I guess I didn’t. I never thought I would see us here though. It’s like a warped universe. Maybe nothing is real. Maybe this isn’t real, and you’re still you, and I am still me.
That would make me a bad person though… and I really like the progress I’ve made.
But, I don’t know who to trust now.
I want to turn the dial on the time machine, and go back. Back to when things were simple. When the reason I didn’t trust you, is because I was worried about losing you. Now I don’t trust you, because I am unsure of what you are capable of.
After the… “incident,” I was lost. I went through depression, denial, and I am still denying it. But, you don’t seem to care who is being hurt. That is the scary part. You leave a wake of destruction in your pretty little path, and who is left to clean up the mess?
I know it won’t be ME. We aren’t close enough for that. I see some of it, I may be in the wake of it, but I’m not the one to clean it up. I won’t be the one who dusts you off and picks you up. I can’t set you right, and be your support. That’s not us. We aren’t close like that. Instead it’ll be someone else, or no one. Or… no one? That is a terrifying thought.
My mom gave me some advice, she told me to let it go. So, I did. She told me that, you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. She reminded me when my own friends stepped away so I could better myself. She reassured me that things would be fine in time.
But, this is like the second person this is happening too. The third friend I’ve lost in this cycle. I’m getting kind of sick of it.
I wish I could be the friend that you need. I wish I could be the friend y’all need. Instead I’m just sort of… here? I am here, you are there. Distance is but a number, but not when it’s emotional distance.