03/27/2022: An Introduction to Reality,

03/27/2021

            If no one ever see’s this, it’s fine with me. This is really for me and me alone, but if you do happen to find me, and my journey is interesting feel free to come along.

            All that I wanted was a place where I could start writing again, but also a place where I can just speak what is on my mind when I where I need it. Anxiety tends to take over my life a lot…. and I find that sitting down and just writing whatever pops into my head at those times really, just helps me to relieve that anxiety, and just get back to some level of normal.

            My name is Pixie Rayne, and on the internet, just as on “The telephone line, I am anyone, I am anything, I want to be.” Knowing that is very freeing to me. Will it be truth? Or fiction? Probably a mixture of both, and chances are, the more imagined it sounds, it’s probably 100% true. It’s up to you to decide what is truth, and what is fiction.

            I am somewhere between 12 and 2,498 years old. My home is in New Haven, if you know, you know. I live my life just like the rest of the humans on this planet, One moment at a time, hence the name of this blog. “A Moment in Time.”  

            I swear I work in one of the best positions available for someone with anxiety. There is an eerie feeling in the air. It’s been a weird night for sure, one of the weirdest I’ve experienced since I started. I feel like the aliens have landed and are taking over the bodies of all those around me. I am the only sane one left and there is nothing else to be said about it. The world is coming to an end, and I get to sit back and watch it happen.

            I want to tell you more about me. Why? Because I think, like most people I just want to be remembered, to be heard. Not that I plan on dying or going anywhere any time soon. But then, who really plans to die? Hopefully not many, but I am not naïve in the way of the world. Let’s not go to a dark place.

            I love to sing and dance. Grew up on a stage, performing in plays, beauty pageants, modeling. Did cheerleading, played softball, and ballet. I had a love/hate relationship with these activities.  As a child I wanted to be free and spend my time playing with my friends.

These activities took up an unreasonable amount of time for me. Between practices and games, I wasn’t good, and wasn’t well liked. I didn’t have the attention span to be out in the outfield. In the middle of the summer on those hot summer days then to play with my friends. I can’t say this with certainty, and I don’t want to accuse my parents of making me do something I didn’t want to do…

I don’t remember asking them to play softball. In fact, I distinctly remember hating team sports in school, like gym class, because I wasn’t any good and my fellow classmates had no issue making sure I knew it… So, I can’t imagine I would CHOOSE to spend my summers in this way. What I think is more likely is, my older sister played, and since at that time I wanted to be like her, I might have wanted to play one year, then when the season started up again, my parents would ask if I wanted to.

Because I am a people pleaser, either I said yes because I knew it was what my parents wanted to hear, or. More likely, I feel like when I was asked, I may have been brave enough to say, I didn’t want to. Then my parents would “Remind me” how much fun I had and how much I liked it, until I finally gave in and said I wanted to. Either way it wasn’t a healthy situation. Eventually, I was able to say no, and I didn’t have to do these things anymore.

Negativity aside, now I still love singing, and dancing, but I don’t and won’t do it on stage anymore. To add to my hobbies, I love reading, writing, anything that allows me to use my imagination. I love animals and nature, I love to run, though I admit I struggle to get up and out of the house to do it. You would think it would be easy to get up and do something you love. Really know what my issue is. Suppose it’s just that darn wall of awful. I need to encourage myself to get over it.

I have a pretty good job, and I really can’t complain. It feels like I have nothing but time now. I am married to my best friend, and pain in the ass…. I mean, soulmate of course. He can get on my nerves, but at the end of the day, and through it all, I love him.

We have an orange stripped tabby, aptly named Garfield. He is a mess and a troublemaker, but we love him with all our hearts. He has a very good and loving home, which is better than the shelter where we got him. Not that the shelter is a bad place, it seems perfectly fine to me, but there is no denying a shelter is not a home.

It seems now that my anxiety has gone, and while there is more that I could say, let me save some for another day. Life is pretty great, and I hope you think so too. Take care, be safe, and until next time keep dreaming.

Until next time, keep living out loud,

~Day Dreamer~

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