thoughts

Word for the wise; don’t drink in school. Don’t mean to be condescending or anything but it’s dangerous for the obvious reasons, plus you can’t crash out when you get tired or start feeling sick unless you want someone to find out. And your teachers WILL know you’re drunk. From experience I know this. I would go to school drunk, high (sometimes weed, sometimes pills) and hungover. One day the SRO got me, I was sober that day, and took me to the front office in handcuffs. 3 of my teachers, the principal and the guidance counselor were there and they all said they could clearly tell I was messed up when I came to school and that I wasn’t fooling anyone. I ended up getting charged with possession and consumption of illegal drugs/alcohol and I had to take a drug class and do community service – plus I was suspended for a month. I was cool with it then, 32 day weekend haha. But now I kinda wish I didn’t do it. I didn’t get into NC State because of it. So just think ahead, okay? Just wait until you get home to party. Be safe!

Yes! Exactly, this is what I’ve written here. I don’t want to give my husband a guilt trip and I don’t want his pity, furthermore I don’t want to just jump to the next person. All I want is for him to, eh, for lack of better words, leave me alone. It’s just that, I can’t deal with the pain, cheating, the manipulation, the lies – and I’m over it. So over it. I want him to live his life, and for me to live mine separately. I will find someone else and I’m sure he will too. I don’t need him, especially not if he’s going to hurt me and further defile the sanctity of what once was a beautiful marriage. I don’t feel alone anymore, I’m beginning to feel content. I have my family and my friends and God. My point is, I want to go through with this divorce with my head held high, not bitter, not weak.

Haha thank you. I always read poetry in this spoken-word-contest kind of voice. Kind of like an open mic night beatnik haha

Kyla, I think you may be thinking too much. It just seems as if your posts are very, round? Or I should say dynamic. It’s as if you’ve got this constant stream of consciousness that contradicts itself so much a gal can hardly make sense of it. You’re thinking way too hard about this. It’s like, you’ve labeled yourself in your own head as this needy, unlovable monster-thing. You’re the farthest thing. I understand you have something missing in your life, we all do, and you seek to fill that gap with this teacher or a counselor but Kyla, you’ve got to look elsewhere. You’ll find fulfillment if you first let it come to you. There’s nothing wrong with being drawn to a teacher and seeking to confide in them. Yes, the counselor shafted you but remember – she’s not a trained therapist who is entirely empathetic and prepared for every situation. She’s just a person. She gets nervous and scared and makes mistakes just like you and I. Even as an adult. Who’s to say? This teacher might be different. Who’s to say? There are billions of people in the world, why attach and put everything on just one? Don’t put so much pressure on the situation. Once you start to let it go, everything will seem to fall into place. Be easy about it; share what you want with her, but also share with your friends and parents and even right here on Thoughts!

Stop being so critical of yourself and every situation and just let go. Trust me, I did it. I’ve been there, Kyla. Remember? I’ve tried to kill myself so many times that I’ve lost count. I get so depressed. Hell, I’m going through a bad depression right now but I know that I’ll come out. I was married, my husband cheated and I ignored it for so long, pretended it wasn’t true until it was literally staring me right in the face and I couldn’t ignore it any longer. Now I’m a divorcee. And Ryan has a girlfriend and he’s doing just fine but I’m still torn up. In distress I foolishly gave my heart to some college guy and he went on his merry way back to Mebane and I can’t even see him until August, and by then he’ll probably already have forgotten all about me. My job is terrible and it’s a pain to work there, yet I make little to nothing. I can barely afford gas to get there everyday. And they’re cutting my hours down to nothing because I made a stupid mistake and got 3 write-ups. Dana is settled down with Kat and they’re probably moving to Davie county with Kat’s family and selling the house I grew up in because they can’t afford to live here anymore. The bad news is, I still live here. Oh, and did I mention, I’m living out of boxes and sharing a room with a toddler? So I now have something like 2 months to get out when I can’t afford to go anywhere else. My grammie, one of my best friends died and I couldn’t even go to her funeral. And she left money for me in her will but my mom has it and I don’t know if I’ll ever see any of it. I feel alone more and more everyday. And I want someone, I need someone but I have no one. But I keep going. I know that time will pass and before I know it everything will be okay and I’ll be okay and I’ll feel alright. It’s ALRIGHT, Kyla. Don’t think so much. You’re a smart girl. Maybe too smart for your own good. You just need to chill out. No matter how bad your life is, it could be worse. Remember that. And remember that you’re strong. You’ll make it. God wouldn’t make you so smart, so beautiful and so strong just for you to walk around feeling weak and confused. You don’t need that lady! And you talking with her won’t hurt either of you! Stop stressing! Get a grip!

That’s very true. Speaking of true, honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. Remember that what’s done in the dark and your deepest thoughts will surely come to the light and be made known. Then you might appear strange or she might reject you. You always want to be up front. Yeah, so she might not respond the way you want anyway. But you still ought to feel good for getting it off your chest, if she wants to be like that it’s up to her but you will have a clean conscience and you might even feel a little bit better. You’re a special girl, Kyla